The Busy Mama

She Speaks. She Writes. She would LOVE to attend this conference!

2011-03-11T04:53:00.000-08:00

Many people say to me, "You should write a book!" My answer is usually, "In all of my freetime?" Ha!

Also this year, I have had the blessing of leading a ladies'discipleship class and have discovered that I am completely comfortable leading a large group of women in thi setting. Who knew?!?!?! This comes as a HUGE relief to this wife of a church planter that is headed to Chicago in one year. (That was one of my secret anxieties that is now scratched off of the list- PRAISE THE LORD.)

For three years I have wanted to attend this conference. I love writing and would love to learn how to better tune my craft, so that I am more affective in glorifying God and inspiring other women.

Maybe this year...

Living Life

2010-11-15T06:04:00.001-08:00

I have been absent for a LOOOOOONG time from this blog- a really. long. time.

Life has been so busy (big surprise) in our home on a daily basis, but we have also removed a few things and then added in new things also. We have also begun all of our prep work for our move to Chicago in around 18 months. (YIKES!!) There is a lot to do and Nathan and the team are planning many events in the coming months- fundraisers and other events to spread the word about our church plant. I'll post more here soon.

Balance, balance, balance!

I'm going to get back to writing this week, so check back soon.

~Angela

Time To Grieve

2010-06-30T08:22:00.000-07:00

The children were told Saturday morning and we cried with them and held them.

In SC, we met with the funeral home and made cremation arrangements.

The church has been secured for the memorial service in a week and a half.

The obituary has been written and delivered.

Now to deal with my heart that has to accept she is gone.

It has been the Lord's perfect blessing that, since Friday, I have been able to hold the image my Grandmother whole and in Heaven at the front of my mind- like a wall that blinds my view of anything else. This morning, my heart, in all it's aching and sadness, has pushed through that wall and revealed the reality that my Grandmother isn't HERE anymore and I miss her so, so much. The tears won't stop and, for now, I am not going to try to stop them.

Sweet comfort comes in the way of my 7 year old son's arms around my neck and head on my chest. He doesn't know what to say, but he is keeping watchful vigil over me this morning. It is his lack of words that makes his comfort even sweeter- no talking me out of it, no trying to understand it or reason it away, just providing comfort through it.

I'm in good hands.

Thank you for your kind words and prayers.

~Angela

My Grandmother

2010-06-26T05:37:00.001-07:00

~Grace Louise Parker April 16, 1925- June 25, 2010~

Beloved wife of Martin, Devoted Mother of four children, Loving Grandmother of six, and Proud Great Grandmother to seven.

My Grandmother was graceful and beautiful. Some of my favorite memories with her are of me sitting on the floor of “Benalee's Coiffure” - the beauty parlor where she had her hair done every Saturday morning for over 25 years and watching her laugh and share stories with the other "usuals". She always seemed so sophisticated to me, even in the later years of her life when her body was failing. I always remember thinking that my Grandmother was so tall, but in hindsight I think it was just her strong character and dignity that gave her a few extra inches in everyone's mind.

Of all the things she modeled for me, and similar to Nathan's Gran who went to Heaven a few years ago, it was her love for her husband that I think has made the largest impact on my life. My Grandfather passed away years before I was born, but I knew him through her. I knew every detail about him through her stories and through her palpable love for that man. He died young and she lived the rest of her life in love with him and him only. She honored him through those stories and through her devotion to his memory all these years. Sometimes when I see his picture, I can almost imagine his voice saying something that she had told me he would say. Her eyes lit up when she would tell us a “Granddaddy” story and she would seem to physically get lighter.

Last night, Nathan called to pray with my Mom and while they prayed, my Grandmother met Jesus. I am blessed to have had her in my life. I am blessed that she knew my children and knew them well. I will always treasure that myoldest daughter carries her name and I pray she grows up to have even HALF of the strength that my G had. Our hearts hurt deeply over this loss, but I know that we will see her again. As we mourn her loss here, we are comforted by the knowledge that she is present with our Lord and Savior. Through the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross and through her belief that He died for her sins, she will no longer know pain, or tears, or death. She will only know the everlasting JOY that comes through the worship and praise of our Father in Heaven.

I love you G. I miss you very much, but I will see you whole and healed again one day.

*The photo above was taken on June 5th, when she shared a magical day with our family at the SC Aquarium. She was in her wheelchair, but we all had such a wonderful time celebrating Cooper's 7th birthday. It was a day that, as I watched her face and the faces of my children with her, I felt the Lord's favor on us. Those memories for my children are treasures that will serve as a reminder of just how much the Lord loves us and cares for us.

Silence Is Golden

2010-05-19T10:49:00.001-07:00

I heard this song on the radio this morning and it spoke volumes to my heart.

Here are the words:
God loves a lullaby
In a mothers tears in the dead of night
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.
God loves the drunkards cry,
The soldiers plea not to let him die
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah.

The woman holding on for life,
The dying man giving up the fight
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes
The tears of shame for what's been done,
The silence when the words won't come
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes.

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah
Better than a church bell ringing,
Better than a choir singing out,singing out.

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

Better than a church bell ringing
better than a choir singin' loud
singin' loud

This is such a wonderful message. I think there are many messages in this actually, but the one I took this morning is humility. In our humility, God's might is shown to the world MUCH more loudly than when we stand on our chairs and bellow.

I am a visual person, so this is the picture God gave me this morning: I am much more encouraged and honored when I observe my child changing, maturing, making good choices over a period of time and without any attention seeking than I am when they say things like, "I am never going to ________ again." See, a momentary muster of courage to blurt out a wish is not nearly as evident of heart change as is the long-term girth that it takes to actually LIVE that change in your life. That is the evidence of growth and change. For all the loud AMENING we have the ability to do, I believe that the Lord is glorified MOST, when our very lives are in humble agreement with His word.

Does this sound familiar?

2010-05-11T17:06:00.001-07:00

So, I am trying to be more accountable with my time. Part of my self-discipline training is that I need to get more done here at home- plain and simple. I need to do MORE laundry, MORE dishes, MORE of nearly everything. I do work in my home, really I do. However, I need to work MORE in order to live in the state of organization and cleanliness that I want and feel the Lord desires me to provide for my family. SO, I am working on it.

A friend and I decided to hold each other accountable for our time. GREAT IDEA, by the way. Each morning, we email each other a list of what we will be doing and around 8pm, we check in with each other via text. There is no judgment of lecture, no scrutinizing, just checking in. Yesterday was FANTASTIC. I accomplished most of my goals, but had a few I didn't get to. That's okay. My friend got 90% of hers completed also, so we were off to a great start. I promptly sent her my list for today and was ready to have another productive day.

Then, today happened.

By 7:30 am, a shelving unit that stores my entire set of "everyday" dishes and mugs TOPPLED OVER ON TOP OF MY 6 yr old SON!!! He was fine, but it scared us to death. I lost exactly HALF of all of my dishes, so now I technically don't have enough for our whole family to eat off of. HA! No big deal. Cooper was okay and that was truly all that mattered. I kept him home today just to make sure he was okay, because the case literally pinned him to the ground with his arms sticking out. It was absolutely frightening!

There went my morning.

Then, I got a phone call from some sweet friend of ours. Technically, I got the call from the husband of the pair and he was asking if I would watch their darling 9 month old, so he could have a "Mother's Day Redo". I literally said, "Uh-oh. Sure thing!" It was my joy to keep her and I am glad they got to have some time alone.

There went my afternoon.

Am I upset that I kept that sweet girl? No way. Did I finish my list? No way. Still, I ministered to my friends and I think there HAS to be time in our lives for that when the opportunity arises. Flexibility has long been a theme here and I think it is just oh-so-important! No matter how much you have to get done in a day, if you are so rigid that you can't overlook some of it to minister to someone who needs you, you are doing something wrong.

Now, I am getting off of this computer and going to clean the HORRENDOUSLY DIRTY bathrooms that I am COMPLETELY EMBARRASSED that my friends used while they were here. They are bad. I would post a picture, but I am afraid my blog would get an obscenity rating. Seriously folks, b-a-d. The funny thing is, I sent them to MY bathroom because I knew the children's bathroom was bad. THEN, I bathed the Littles in MY bathroom and saw how bad it was and nearly fell over that I had SENT them there. Sheesh. I am so happy that they are friends that love at all times.

(Sorry if that is TMI. You hear about all my good days. You should be able to hear about my scummy bathrooms too. Hehehe)

OH, and there is an ENTIRE BOX of Krispy Kreme doughnuts (Nathan ordered weeks ago from a neighbor who was raising money for a trip) sitting on my entertainment center that I have not touched and am planning to take to our staff at the church tomorrow morning. I don't even WANT one. Hows THAT for self-discipline?!?!?! word.

Practice what you preach

2010-05-06T10:37:00.000-07:00

I cannot tell you how many times I will be in the middle of something and one of my children just walk up talking to me, as if I was just sitting there waiting for them to walk up and need something from me. It drives me BANANAS. Why? Because it is really selfish- as if the whole world is here waiting patiently for that child's next move. It says, "What I need/want is THE most important thing under Heaven, so I am going to force you to hear me RIGHT NOW while it is convenient for ME."

Today (during my Thursday walk with my Sista-friends), one of my sista-friends said, "We have to learn to not barge in on God." I immediately had a picture of God (bare with me) sitting at His big desk in the sky (stay with me) and me just barging in whenever it is convenient with whatever want/need/request/or affection I NEED to tell Him at whatever moment. How RUDE! It happens though.

Now, we can talk to God at any time and all day long, but OH what sweet time in prayer it is when we approach him with the respect and honor He so richly deserves. We need to come to God humbly, seeking His attention in His time and at His will. We should spend time in honor of him, praising Him, long before we give him our wish list of wants/needs. Our hearts should be bent towards the goal of leaving time with the Lord knowing that we honored Him during that time more than just completed a task.

I obviously cannot speak for the Lord, but I know when my children barge in on me I have a VERY difficult time even listening to them at all. Usually, they get sent back to where they came with instructions to try again later. YIKES!

Chicago Journal Update 002:

2010-04-27T09:11:00.001-07:00

We have a facebook page! I know that is far from ordained, but it is the first recognizable place where people can go for information and updates. If you are a facebook user, look for us: The Church At North Center. There is a wonderful video there from Nathan and Dave's trip to Chicago a few weeks back.

As I am trying to personally prepare for this move, I am praying for faith and steadfastness. We are a long way from the moving truck. Still, there are fears that creep into my heart. Some are fears of the unknown. Some of my fears come from news stories like these:

http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/279848

http://www.bvblackspin.com/2010/04/26/chicago-national-guard/

Stories like these, of such unnecessary violence, have made their way to my monitor a lot this week. I don't think that avoiding these stories will help me, but I don't think I need to sink too much energy into them other than to fervently pray for those involved and for the city that will be our mission field soon enough. I did decided to use them as an illustration to Nathan as to where my heart was right now. I emailed him:

I am pressed this morning, as several reports of the rising levels of
violence in Chicago have come to my attention. As a Mom, it terrifies me. As
a church planter, it affirms our purpose. It is finding that balance that is
the hardest for me right now.

I love you.
~Angela

I often email him little articles or quotes during the week. He doesn't always have time to reply, but his reply this morning was exactly what I needed to hear and be reminded of. He said,

Thank you for your honest transparency beautiful. I share your fears and commit to bring them, with you, before the throne of our LORD.
(Nathan-from his Blackberry).

I love that Nathan didn't try to talk me out of my fears. They are valid. He didn't try to justify anything or reason it. He simply reminded me that we are to be praying for these very things TOGETHER. (and he called me beautiful which always helps, right?)

These stories are just a FEW of the reason why we need to be in Chicago and they are just a drop in the bucket for reasons that we need to be in prayer EVERY. SINGLE. DAY together- to be prepared to go boldly into this mission field, being ever-aware of our Lord's sovereignty over EVERY aspect of our lives.

God is Sovereign. God is Wise. God is Good. In those truths, we will walk together.

Lessons Learned Gettin' Dirty

2010-04-22T10:46:00.000-07:00

Thursdays, I am blessed to get in a wonderful, nearly 3 mile, walk with two wonderful women. It is a blessing to my health and my spirit. Really, there isn't a time that I don't leave there inspired to be a better Jesus follower. It is a blessing!! Today our conversation was about making war against these sneaky sins that get a stronghold in our lives and make us act in ways that we don't WANT to act, but also in ways that make us ineffective witnesses to our family.

Today after our walk and after getting Nathan to class, I let the Littles play outside while I cleaned out some weeds from the flower beds out front and planted some seeds that I bought at the dollar store. The weeds have been growing for weeks, but I wasn't sure if they are weeds. Since we inherited those beds from the previous tenants, I have sometimes had to let something grow to see if it was purposed or indeed just a weed. Now that I was certain of some of the green sprouting up all around my beds, I set out to eliminate the unwanted growth today. As I did, I found two different kinds of weeds.

The first kind were these button-looking greenery that were sprouting up all over the beds in random spots, but ALL OVER. I knew that those had to go, so I pulled at each one and they came out easily. Their roots were weak and with a little effort, they were destroyed.

The other kind of weeds I pulled today were perfectly acceptable plants (Black-eyed Susans actually) that had reproduced and were beginning to creep into the soil that nourished other parts of my beds. I have HUGE patches of these same flowers purposed in the front corners of each of the flower beds. I can't WAIT until they bloom, but these that got pulled today were in the wrong place at the wrong time and had to go.

Isn't that how our life is? We most definitely have the first kind of weeds growing in our life and heart- the kind that imitates righteousness and may even alter itself to confuse you, but at it's heart is sin that needs to be weeded out. We also have the second kind of weed- the kind that may have, at one time or place, been purposed but has since overgrown or moved into an unwanted area of our heart. Just like the first weed, this weed must also go. Unlike the first kind of weed, this one may take a little more work because it's root system is authentic and mature, but it must go none the less. As pretty as the promised flower from this weed may be, it will also eventually choke out the life of the purposed flowers or fruit we have growing in our hearts.

It felt good to MAKE WAR against those weeds today and my flower beds look healthier and more beautiful because of it. Now for the work on my heart!

MAKE WAR!

Thank you God.

2010-04-21T19:52:00.000-07:00

Thank you God...

...that Ella did not have the "scary, dangerous, contagious bacterial infection" that they THOUGHT she had by the looks of her rash.

...that I didn't run over the mean lady in the parking lot of Target who called me a name- a mean name and for no reason.

...for providing this home with hardwood floors and beautiful light from the windows and for reminding me today that you are walking this road with us, preparing us to serve you in Chicago. I am honored and humbled, Lord.

...that I get to walk tomorrow with my sweet friends.

...that at the end of our impromptu family talent show after dinner, I got to do the fox trot with Nathan.

...that the children requested a family squeeze before bed.

...that Nathan loves me so much and that our family is his priority.

...tomorrow is a new day, filled with new light through my windows and new grace in my heart.

Self-Discipline

2010-04-19T12:48:00.000-07:00

self- noun
Me, Myself, and I
(definition care of ME)

discipline- verb
10. to train by instruction and exercise; drill.
11. to bring to a state of order and obedience by training and control.
12. to punish or penalize in order to train and control; correct; chastise.
(definition care of dictionary.com)

Those two words taste bitter coming out of my mouth- they have become so foreign to me over the past few years. With five children so young and a husband in seminary, I have become very good at routines and systems, which are wonderful tools in and of themselves. They promote order and order is truly a Godly pursuit. All through the Bible, God desires and creates order. By creating routines and systems for our family, I can alleviate some of the chaos, by applying patterns of behavior that bring everyone under one goal and purpose. The problem is that I have allowed these systems to appease the part of my heart that the Lord created to desire my OWN standard of behavior. (I hope that makes sens outside of my own head.)

Instead of continuing to interpret my own thoughts, which can sometimes get foggy even for ME, here are some of the areas of my life that I need "to bring to a state of order and obedience by training and control".

1. My weight: No big explanation needed here. I need to lose some weight. period. Several of these following areas contribute to this one. For the last few weeks, I have added a lot of exercise and am upping it each week it seems, so I feel like I am off to a good start. The missing link for me here is long-haul accountability. Nathan knows my heart and my desire, but it isn't fair for me to ask him to hold me accountable in this area. He loves me too much and doesn't want to be the bad guy in this. Honestly, I don't want him to be either. I am praying for wisdom to find this accountability. In the past, I have done WONDERFULLY...for a season. Then I fail and undo everything I have done. I think gaining self-discipline in the area will mean seeking strength form the Lord to continue past the plateaus and stretches that normally cause me to jump ship.

So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified. 1 Corinthians 9:26-27

2. Getting appropriate SLEEP : Ugh. this one SOUNDS simple. It sounds simple when I am sitting here at 4:35pm. At 10:00PM, however, when Nathan has just walked in the door from class and we haven't had 2 minutes to communicate all day OR (honesty alert!) one of "my shows" is coming on, I find it hard to tear myself away and head to bed. No matter how I attempt justify it, I am not getting enough sleep. I cannot support my body and the schedule that is needed to support my LIFE on so few hours of sleep. Because I stay up too late, I am sleepy during the day, my eating schedule is off (see above), I run out of energy before i run out of tasks, and I don't get to sleep well when I finally DO submit to rest. I feel like a toddler even struggling with this, but it is a struggle for me. Sheesh.

It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep. Psalm 127:2

(for the record, this type of list-making is daunting, but I am excited about checking some of these things off in the future. Without a list, no checking off can happen!)

3. Accurate and Godly Priorities: Everything else can be summed up with this one heading. I need to do a better job of prioritizing my life- particularly where my energy is spent in any given day. Too many outside activities, too many "yes's", too many play dates, and (unfortunately) too much TV can make for a messy house, children that are lacking in their OWN discipline, and a husband who feels neglected all together. I feel this is something that I have always had a good eye on, thanks to Godly women in my life at times, but lately I have not been keeping a watchful eye on my schedule and Nathan and I have both realized our error. We are making some changes and moving towards the goal of eliminating a lot from our tasks list next year, while still serving the Lord sacrificially. It is a fine, fine line to find that balance. We are not called to sit back and let others serve exclusively. We are also not called to put our name on every blank line on a sign-up sheet that passes our lap. Furthermore, it is in the pursuit of those things that ARE NOT in accordance with what God has given me to do in direct competition with those that He DOES intend for me that I find the most frustration! (see above...and above again!) The beauty comes in discovering which blanks that Lord has already filled in with my name and then doing THOSE tasks to His Glory. With this area of my life, I can't just stop EVERYTHING right now, as I have commitments that need to be followed through. However, BIG changes are coming around August for us in this area. Until then, I am praying for wisdom to take things one day at a time, doing only what I am capable of and without guilt for those that I cannot.

According to the commandment of the Lord through Moses they were listed, each one with his task of serving or carrying. Numbers 4:49

My Homework-

Spiritually speaking:I don't intend to be able to change any of these areas of my life by my own power. I am not strong enough. I am DAILY asking the Lord to help me and I am exposing them to as much LIGHT as I can, so that I cannot shirk way from them when the going gets tough...and it WILL get tough.

Practically speaking: These things are being printed and listed on my fridge. I don't want to spend my days thinking about ME and how to change ME. That is a selfish path to take. Instead, I just want to reminder (on the fridge) that I will occasionally see and be reminded of this pursuit. I am making excercise and eating well a priority. I am going to go back to something I did when I had only two babies and FAR less on my schedule, which was to hang a sign on my computer and TV that reads "Have you finished you job? If not, you are chosing THIS over your family." (I have never been one for subtle.) Nathan and I are setting aside some time, weekly, for just us- not school, not church duties, not children- just. us. I think this will help me not feel like I have to wait up for him from class so many nights of the week.

Can you relate to any of these? How do YOU deal with them?

When you point your finger at someone else...

2010-04-19T09:14:00.000-07:00

...there are always 3 pointing back at you (thumb doesn't count. it is a long-standing debate between my children. HA!)

I have been not nice to Nathan lately.

I seem to get ill with him over the slightest things these days (and not the RUN DMC kind of ill either, the really ugly, fight-pickin' kind of ill.)

I won't say that I haven't always had a reason, but even when I had a reason I didn't handle it appropriately. I go from calm to spastic in 2 seconds flat. I get all red-faced and anxious. THEN, I do the one thing that Nathan DREADS from his wife- the ONE thing that can make him want to run and hide until the smoke settles- the ONE thing that he has PLEADED with me not to do over the last 16 years we have been together.

I compile. (A hush fell over blogland.)

I compile every little insignificant, easy to get over, non-life threatening thing that has happened in the last little span of time and I heap it all up on top of itself until each of those teeny tiny little annoyances are now one HUGE, MASSIVE, GIGANTIC, SEEMINGLY UNMOVABLE obstacle standing in the way of the peace and happiness we enjoy, strive for, NEED to live in JOY. BY then, I am completely upset and all but spitting fire and Nathan is just dodging the cloud of debris and firebombs that are falling in my path.

It is unproductive and immature, but it is what I do and what I need to eliminate in my life.

This morning, I set about thinking about WHY I have been so ill to Nathan in the first place. Being COMPLETELY transparent here and at the risk of judgement, I have scrutinized Nathan's every move for the past couple of weeks- the way he talks to the children, the way he balances the checkbook, the way he organizes his studies, the way he WRITES HIS PAPERS- really, it has been THAT bad.

I started to think that maybe we were under some spiritual warfare. We are now on the path to make big waves in Chicago and bring with us the Truth of the Gospel. That is BOUND to shake up some of those pesky demons, right?

Sure. I am sure there is SOME of that going on, but ultimately it didn't sit well with me as the solution. SO what is it?

After my workout this morning at the gym (while I was standing in the lockeroom, blow drying my hair, STARING at one of my biggest issues-my weight- no pun intended) I began to think about the looooong list of things the Lord is showing ME that I need to change before we can go to Chicago. (Insert light bulb with long chord being pulled here)

That is it. This is why I am being horrible to my husband. It is easier to pick apart HIS life and HIS behavior than to face mine. My sinful flesh can rationalize that, surely, it isn't ME who is struggling with self-control or poor thought patterns, right? Ugh. The arrogance that one must swim in to make that statement. I am being refined for God's great work. It is OH-SO-PAINFUL.

The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. Proverbs 14:1 (NIV)

In the pain of being chastised by the Lord myself, I think it soothes the sinful parts of my heart to lash out at Nathan and I justify it by call . (writing that makes my heart ACHE!) I love my husband so, SO much. I would never, ever want to hurt him and in fact, would do anything to help him- to support him. Yet, here I am tearing my house down with my own hands instead of taking my own convictions and applying them to my life.

So, without further ado, the next several posts will begin to explore the areas of my life the Lord is pressing on me to take a long, hard, look at currently. I want to begin the process of building the foundation for our home and ministry in Chicago. Hopefully, by coming out with my OWN list, I will lay off of my sweet husband a bit.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have some repenting to do.

*Images courtesy of my nine year old, Graycen, and her reaction to being corrected. I told her these were going in her wedding slide show. Maaaaaaaaaybe I will show her some mercy.

I'm working on a post, but for now...

2010-04-19T09:12:00.000-07:00

GO here and register to win yourself a ton of great things!

http://thehappyhousewife.com/pasta-machine-giveaway/

Who doesn't LOVE pasta?!?!?!?!?

Respite

2010-04-09T06:12:00.000-07:00

Have you ever used a word for a long time and then realized that maybe you didn't exactly know what it meant. Lately, I have been asking the Lord for respite- from financial struggle, from parenting frustration, from (insert any earthly toils here). In hindsight, I have been using the word A LOT and maybe (probably) in the same whiny sort of tone that I correct my children from using. I knew it meant something along the lines of relief, but this morning, I was composing an email to a sweet lady in our care group and I decided I needed to look it up before I used it with her. This is what I found on dictionary.com .

res·pite /ˈrɛspɪt/ [res-pit] noun, verb,-pit·ed, -pit·ing. –noun
1.a delay or cessation for a time, esp. of anything distressing or trying; an interval of relief: to toil without respite.
2.temporary suspension of the execution of a person condemned to death; reprieve.

Read definition #1. OK. I was right. Then I read definition #2. It was then that I heard that still, small voice, "You, my child, are not condemned to death!" I repeated it out loud, "I am NOT condemned to DEATH!!" Although there are times when we find ourselves asking the Lord for much needed break from struggles, it was like icy cold water for a parched heart this morning to read that and realize that I do not need "temporary suspension of the execution of a person condemned to death". My reprieve has been bought by the blood of my Savior on the cross and it will not be temporary it will be FOR ALL ETERNITY. Doesn't that make you want to dance?!?!?! Hallelujah!

*This video is from a couple of years ago, but oh, so precious.

Silly Israelites

2010-04-08T19:58:00.001-07:00

I have been in a bit of a slump lately. Feelin' a bit blue. Part of it is that I allowed my thyroid meds to run out without a refill (Yikes!). Part of it is that I slipped into what I am calling, "Silly Israelite Syndrome". Let me Explain...

I had a wonderful week while Nathan was gone. I really did. As I said before , I came to some great realizations while Nathan was away. However, I has a couple of bad moments.

I watched the show Food Revolution with Jamie Oliver . It is a pretty good show. So, I'm sitting there, watching the show last week and it dawned on me that the show is being filmed in the very area of town in WV, where the church is located that is the ONLY job offer Nathan has gotten since he was laid off in Feb of 09. Interesting. Then, Jamie Oliver begins talking about this great pastor that is supporting him. Suddenly, across the screen flashes the very CHURCH. They proceeded to do a complete segment on THE church and THAT Pastor.

It is important to realize that, when that job was offered to Nathan, we both had sick-to-the-stomach feelings about taking it. It was so obvious to us, that every effort we made to get past it, failed miserably. When Nathan made the phone call, declining the offer, we felt weight lifted. It felt GOOD to turn that job down even though there was no job on the horizon.

Sitting there last week, my mind began to GO THERE. You know...go THERE. I began to wonder what if. What if Nathan had taken that job. Where would be now? I won't go into all that crossed my mind, but lets just say my mind wandered way too far into what if land. For the last two days of Nathan's trip I would find myself wondering (maybe wAndering would be a better term).

A few days after Nathan came home, we learned that we would, most likely, not be receiving the scholarship that we were expecting to cover Nathan's tuition next semester. For the last 13 months of unemployment, i have taken similar news in stride, dug in, waited for the Lord, and trusted that however it turned out was HIS plan. BUT, this time I had already been WANDERING in my mind for several days. When this new disappointment reared it's ugly head, I placed myself firmly in a pit and stayed there for a while- a pit of my own placing. I was in so much of a pit that I called Nathan yesterday while he was getting some much-needed studying done and just boo-hoo'd. As it turned out, he was feeling burdened also (maybe it was his sobbing wife? HA!), so he came home for lunch and we prayed together.

I began to feel better, but still was just wanting to find a cave to sulk in. A friend called and encouraged me to go on to discipleship class. I wasn't feelin' it. Nathan insisted I go. I am taking a class on the book, "How People Change". It was EXACTLY what I needed.

We read a lot in Numbers about how. many.times those silly Israelites cried out to the Lord. Basically (busymama summary here), "Why didn't you let us DIE in Egypt Lord?!?!?! We don't want to be hot! We don't want to eat stale manna! We were better off in Egypt." Sounds silly huh?

That is what I have been doing for the past couple of days, lamenting. Here is the kicker though.

I. Do. Not. Want. To. Go. Back. To. Egypt.

Unlike the Israelites, I completely remember what the bondage in my life felt like when we were not following God's plan for us. I don't want those chains again. Realizing that left me feeling like I had failed a MAJOR test. We have lived in JOY over the last 13 months, knowing (not hoping, not wishing) that the Lord was guiding us and caring for us. Our every need has been met. Here we are, still basking in the glow of understanding what God has planned for us and I am presented with a test, a distraction. I took my eyes off of my sovereign, wise, and good Lord, even for a mere moment. That moment was all it took to make my steps insecure and my heart not convinced of His goodness. So, heat came into our lives and I buckled.

I repented. I am forgiven. I am moving on.

WhatEVER God has planned for the next two years before we move (AND AFTER) is INFINITELY greater than anything I could have wished for or dreamed up.

I am trusting and watching for God. period.

*temper tantrum courtesy of sweet Annagail this afternoon when I made her...wait for it...pull up her pants. Isn't she cute even when she pouts? The beautiful daydreamer that keeps me looking up is my MaryEvelyn.

Feet

2010-04-07T07:36:00.000-07:00

You Capture (ssignment form last week...I think)

Sweet Feet.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-04-07T06:39:00.000-07:00

(Head over to Wordless Wednesday for more great photos!)

Easter Morning SONshine

2010-04-06T09:32:00.000-07:00

A wise friend stopped by for some coffee and catching up this week. Among other things, she encouraged me to remember that (summarizing) I am an artist and not just a commercial retailer. I think when you have a photography business that starts to expand rapdily, it is easy to forget your own creativity at times and to start catering too much to what the client *thinks* they want (think being the operative word). Before long, the product isn't at all what YOU wanted to create. Where is the satisfaction in THAT?!?!

Anywho, I decided to jump into this weekly link-party in effort to keep reminding myself that, no matter how many clients I get, my art is MY art. For me, it is an extension of my praise and glory to my Creator. I want to love it and for it to reflect MY joy over being His child.

Head over and see the other entries!

A Planting We Will Go

2010-04-05T17:59:00.001-07:00

The big announcement is that we are moving again!

Not now, but in the Spring of 2012!

We are going to be a part of a Church planting team in a city that has over 200 languages in just one of it's zipcodes alone.

It hosts over 4 colleges and university, in which a vast majority of students do not associate themselves with a church or specific faith.

The NAMB said this of urban church planting,

New multicultural churches are needed in the cities or sprawling metropolitan areas. In the late 1800s, D.L.Moody stated: “Reach the big cities and you reach the nation." Today, Moody’s statement could be adapted, “Reach the big cities and you reach the world." In A Theology As Big As the City, Ray Bakke and Raymond Bakke comment about the incredible urban growth in the past 100 years: “The spectacular growth of large cities on this planet represents an awesome challenge to the church of Jesus Christ on all six continents. In 1900, 8 percent of the world’s population lived in cities. By the year 2000, that number will be nearly 50 percent.” As believers, the “go” part of the Great Commission command is still in force. However, we are now also responsible before God on another level. The very people to whom we once had to “go” many miles to reach have come to us. This is changing the face of urban America.

So, have you guessed where we are headed in two years?

The kids and I are so excited to be on this journey with Nathan. Over the next two years, Nathan (and I) will be PRAYING, training, learning, & fundraising for our church plant. We will go up with, virtually, nothing and will see the Lord grow our church from the ground up! Isn't that exciting?!?!?!?!?!

I have started a new blog to journal the goings on of the next two years, but I am not sure I will actually keep it. Because this is our life, it seems silly to seperate it form this blog. For now, I will continue to update here.

What can you do? PRAY for us. God has affirmed this ministry to us in many ways, including affirmations from people we respect and look to for counsel. Satan would love nothing more than to shake that confidence. Please pray that the whole team will remain unified in our mission and that we will be protected-physically & emotionally.

As I have said A LOT lately, I feel that the Lord has been preparing us for THIS path. We are ready to go! As one friend put it, it is comparable to a loooooong pregnancy. We have been here, learning and growing for the past few years. these next two years are going to feel like the last two weeks before you give birth- anxious to get things going, but remaining confident in God's perfect timing.

Overflowin'

2010-04-02T20:45:00.000-07:00

I was sitting down on the landing on the top of our stairs the other night, exhausted, and waiting for Annagail to finish her 14th trip to the potty so that I could begin our nighttime prayers and singing. I was exhausted- more exhausted than I remember being in a long time.

Nathan has been out of town since Saturday and it has been just the kids and I here, holding down the fort. The children are also tracked out, so we have had heaps of time to play together and work together over the last week.

Back to the landing, I was sitting there waiting for Annagail knowing that every muscle in my body was ready to feel the mattress underneath it. I led the children in their prayers and sang our “Goodnight Song” with them. My eyes were heavy. My hair even felt tired. Then I remembered that the dishes sill needed washing and the floors still needed sweeping. I took a deep breath and started to pull myself up using the railing on the stairwell. As I did, I caught a glimpse of Graycen and MaryEvelyn, laying each in their own beds, but rolled towards each other and whispering. I felt warm seeing them have that moment together. Seeing it prompted me to take a peek into each of the children’s rooms before I headed downstairs to finish out the day.

Cooper wasn’t near asleep and was trying desperately to stay still long enough for me to get downstairs. I’ve come to understand that boys are different and Cooper can’t just turn off his day, so wiggling all around his bed and maybe a car or two snuck under his pillow is expected.

Ella was almost asleep already and Annagail was not far off. Being so little still, they were both worn out from a full day of sunshine and playground fun with friends.

It was at that moment, watching Annagail laying there with her hands pressed together under her cheek and that stare on her face that always happens just before she zonks out, that it hit me.

This is my life and I love it.

It poured over me in a wave of emotion that started n my brain, but eventually swallowed my entire person and manifested itself in huge, crocodile tears.

These five children, all happy, all healthy, all clean and settling into sleep safely under one roof, with full bellies and a Daddy who loves them more than his own life, were placed in my care by my Heavenly Father. I have no need to BE anything else- no need to hold any other title or to continually reinvent myself into something “grander” or more interesting.

I. LOVE. IT.

Peaceful does not accurately describe my heart this week. I went into it fearful of how hard it would be. I ended up with a heart eager to do MORE for my family on a regular basis that extends well beyond Nathan’s one week away.

I feel the Lord changing me, growing me in preparation of what is coming next in our life- in our ministry. I feel ready- more prepared for the task before me. It isn’t only this week alone with the children, but more because I believe we are on the path God desires for our family. It feels amazing.

**My next post will answer so many of your questions about what is coming for us. The reason I have waited is because I wanted to wait until our families knew. (again, no baby news!) I will give you a fairly large hint: Another reason I have waited to share on the blog is that it seemed like a post so HUGE for our family needed images to go with it. After tomorrow at 11:30 (give or take a few minutes or normal air delays) I will have them. :o)

Sooooooo, I am a little late on that post...

2010-03-04T10:27:00.000-08:00

...but a lot has happened.

We moved.

Again.

Thanks to some great people from our church family, it was out easiest move to date. They packed the truck and unloaded it here at the new place in THREE HOURS FLAT. Isn't that amazing?!?!?!

Now the unpacking of the boxes is going to take much longer than three hours. I'll be blessed to get it all done in three weeks!!

Why the move? We were given an opportunity to move into a 1700 square foot unit vs. stay in our 900 square ft one. We thought about it...for a second. :o)

My girls aren't all four crammed into one room and we have lots of closets. I can close the linen closet(s) door easily and , maybe my biggest thrill, I can get out of my bed... ON EITHER SIDE!!!!!! (pictures coming!)

I missed delivering my post on the one year anniversary of Nathan's lay off, but I think that was God's design. He has been so very faithful to us during this time- meeting and exceeding any need we have had. With the exception of scattered moments, we are living in Joy. I have learned this year that Christ + 0= JOY. My circumstances are irrelevant to my JOY. Listen to me carefully when I say this: I am not trying to live in Joy. I am not making lists to help me remember to live in Joy. I am not praying that I will find my Joy. I am just simply LIVING it. God has provided His Son as a living sacrifice for my sin. Jesus now sits in Heaven, because death cannot hold a true child of God. period. THAT is my Joy.

I have frustrated, emotional moments. I am flesh like the rest of humanity. It happens. When it happens, I find that living daily in the Joy of my salvation allows me to push past those moments in an instant and stand again on the truth of Christ. JOY!!

In other news, we have a plan for the future. We aren't going public with it just yet, but it is a plan. We both feel the Lord leading us in this and it is a wonderful and familiar feeling- one very similar to when we felt the Holy Spirit pressing us to move our family to NC for seminary. We are unified in this and have recv;d affirmation from many of our trusted counselors. It is big...but you have to wait a while to hear it. For now, please just pray that the Lord will make clear His provision and plan and that we will remain faithful to His calling.

Stay tuned....

New Semester started...

2010-02-03T09:05:00.000-08:00

...and Nathan is taking a whopping 15 credit hours. That would be 5 classes for those out of the academic loop. they may sound like nothing for a high schooler or even some universities, but in graduate school- in THIS graduate school, it is a HUGE work load. We have been shutting out most of the outside world this week while we work through our family schedule for the news semester, making sure it works well and has balance. So far, so good, but that is where I have been.

Next week marks ONE YEAR since Nathan was laid off of his job, so look for a big post then and a HAPPY ONE at that. (No job news. Didn't want to get your hopes up in THAT way, but it is a post that is sure to bring JOY to your heart!)

Until then, pop over to my friend Jessica's blog and enter to win in her new give away. I am not going to tell you what it is, because I want you to go look for yourself and see ALL that she does, but I will tell you that she is "SEW" very talented. :o)

Have a great week!

2010-01-17T14:01:00.000-08:00

Martin Luther King, Jr., (January 15, 1929-April 4, 1968)

A few years ago, Graycen (my oldest) was trying to tell me about a little girl in her preschool class that has become a good friend of hers. She told me everything she could THINK of to describe her: always wears pigtails with pretty bows, her favorite color, sits beside so and so, taller than her other friends, wore a pink shirt on such and such day when I was there, etc.. FINALLY, a few days later the class photo came home and Graycen came running to me to show me who this little girl was that she had been talking about. Guess what? She was the only non-Caucasian in the class. Graycen never thought to describe her that way, because she just doesn't see the difference.

I couldn't think of a better tribute to the work of MLK, Jr. if I tried.

Isn't she luh-valeeeee? Isn't she wuuunderfu-ul...

2010-01-12T13:10:00.001-08:00

Grace, my Grandmother and where my oldest daughter gets her name.

Nathan sent me away this weekend to Charleston to spend some time with my Grandmother. She is 84 and still full of spunk. Her health, however, is declining and she went under hospice care on Monday. I enjoyed being able to spend some time with her and serve her some. I wish that there wasn't 300+ miles between us, so I could be with her more. I am so grateful to Nathan, who not only took care of the children solo, but also wrote a 4 page paper for his Jterm class that started on Monday.

All In A Decade!

2010-01-01T13:56:00.001-08:00

Since Y2K, I have: (not necessarily in order)
- spent 41 months pregnant
- spent 45 hours in labor
- had 3 surgeries (including 2 C-sections)
- surrendered my gall bladder, with gratitude
- came very close to dying (during 4th delivery and, in turn, first C-section)
- spent 43 months nursing babies
- successfully potty-trained FIVE children!!!
- watched my vehicle evolve from a cute, white 2dr Honda Accord to a not-as-cute, charcoal, 8 passenger Suburban, filled to the brim with car seats and boosters
- lived in 3 different states
- built a house from dirt up
- sold a house
- learned that the words "house" and "home" have very distinct meanings and learned to place appropriate value on each of them accordingly
- witnessed my husband and two children surrender their lives to the Lord and turn to Jesus as their Savior!
- witnessed my husband and oldest daughter be baptized, in obedience of God's Word.
- wept over and also celebrated the home-going of a much loved Grandmother
- (with Nathan) affirmed a call to devote our lives, full-time, to the ministry of furthering God's Word and Kingdom
- packed up 4 kids (4 & under) into a minivan and loaded everything we couldn't sell, donate, or throw away into a 32 ft UHAUL and left all familiarity behind us to pursue the above mentioned call.
- became an UNDERGRAD student's wife
- typed more papers than I could have ever IMAGINED
- witnessed Nathan earn his Bachelor of Arts in Biblical Studies
- became a GRAD student's wife
- spent 4 years (combined)working as a portrait and event photographer
- made more than a few friends that I am CERTAIN will be in my life forever, regardless of where the Lord sends us.
- OH! I began blogging to journal my thoughts and experiences for my children!

Whew! The list grows and grows the more you think about it! I wonder what this next decade will bring with it? It is amazing to think about.

What did YOU do since Y2K?

From our family to yours...

2009-12-25T00:00:00.000-08:00

(our 2009 Christmas card & letter)

Dear Friends and Family,

When we think back over our lives, there are certain memories that stand as markers of time or seasons that your mind automatically scrolls through. For our family, 2009 was a year FULL of those mile-marking memories.

For the first time ever, our family took a Disney vacation! We spent a week in Orlando, staying at a Disney resort and enjoying a great time of rest and excitement all at once. We saw priceless looks on the faces of the children when we surprised them (in Jacksonville, FL) with the news that they would be standing in front of Cinderella’s castle in just a few short hours! The week was a wonderful time for us to be together as a family and create life-long memories for them AND for us. We spent at least one day at Magic Kingdom, Animal Kingdom, Epcot, and Hollywood Studios and had a meal with a handful of Disney characters on each day. You will have to ask the children what each of their favorite moments were, but be prepared to sit a while. I don’t think any of us can claim just one.

After five years of balancing full-time work with writing research papers and being a great Daddy to five energetic children, 2009 marked the completion of Nathan’s undergraduate work! In May, Nathan graduated, earning his Bachelor of Arts in Biblical Studies. It was a WONDERFUL day for the whole family, as we all felt a sense of accomplishment. We feel extremely blessed to have been placed on this journey together as a family. In August, Nathan began working on his Master of Divinity in Biblical Counseling. He is also finishing his second year as an intern at our family church, where we fellowship with a beautiful church family. In these last five years, we have all learned and grown in our walk with the Lord in ways we cannot measure by degree or merit. God has used this time in NC to teach us about who He desires us to be and how He desires us to minister to this world.

In addition, 2009 marked an end to homeschooling for our family, at least for now. MaryEvelyn and Cooper joined Graycen at a GREAT charter school. Graycen (age 8) entered 3rd grade and adjusted to the added responsibility and heavier workload. MaryEvelyn (age 7) had a seamless transition into 2nd grade and loves going to school. Cooper (age 6) began Kindergarten and is having a great time discovering the foundations of learning. Ella (age 5) and Annagail (age 2) have enjoyed having a smaller crowd at home during the day and have become “bestest friends”, as they say.

Finally, it would be difficult to mention all of these wonderful mile-markers in 2009 without also mentioning one of the biggest mile-markers of this year for us. This year Nathan was laid off from his employer and has spent the last ten months seeking employment. Although it is hard to be a part of the large number of Americans that are struggling to find work in this current economy, it has also been a mile-marker of TRUST and FAITH for us. When we look back on this year, we will remember how the Lord completely held us through all of this. Finances are obviously tight and it takes a lot of preparation and communication to keep things going, but we have been held in the Grace of the Lord this year. We have enjoyed time together. We have been able to minister to others that are going through struggles. I can honestly say that we have laughed together more this year and have enjoyed true PEACE that comes from knowing that God’s plan for our lives is better than anything we could have ever dreamed up. We find strength in verses like Isaiah 12:2,"Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation." We find comfort in verses like Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” During this time, we have also enjoyed getting back to doing portrait & event photography and are watching the Lord grow our business according to His perfect will. You can check us out at www.kariseenimages.com.

Looking forward to 2010, we pray that, regardless of our circumstances, we will continue to seek His will for our lives and that we will continue to rest in the provision of Christ’s birth, His life, His death for our sins, and His resurrection. Our prayer for you in 2010 is that you, regardless of circumstance, will know this peace also. When we celebrate Christ’s birth at Christmas, we are praying that each of you will know the peace and love that can only come through a very personal relationship with God. He was more than just a baby born in a manger. He is THE way, THE truth, and THE life (John 14:6). Our prayer for YOU is that 2010 is a “mile-marker year” that reflects JOY and BLESSING that comes from living in Christ alone.

Merry Christmas and a Very Happy New Year to You!
Nathan, Angela, Graycen, MaryEvelyn, Cooper, Ella, & Annagail Murray

Sounds heard from the sofa...

2009-12-02T08:11:00.000-08:00

It appears that the swine flu that we had in OCTOBER has had some lingering effects. I have a full-blown bacterial respiratory infection! Nathan has been his usual sweet self and allowed me to rest for the greater part of the last 4 days.

Here are a few snipets of conversation that I have either HAD or HEARD from my spot on the sofa:

(a conversation between Ella-age 5 and Annagail-ag 2 1/2 as they were playing dolls on the kitchen floor)

Annagail: I hurt my b-u-t-t (Annagail has learned to spell it from her sibs tattling on her)

Ella: Sissy, you can't say b-u-t-t!!! You can saaaaaaaaaaaaay bottom. You can say fanny. You can even say tushy! You cannot say b-u-t-t!!

********************************************************************
(playing make believe phone call with Annagail this morning)

Annagail: Mama, Aalice is on da phone fo you.

Me: Oh, okay
(taking the phone and trying to livin' up this imaginary convo)
Me: OH! Hahahahahaha! Alice, that is the funniest thing I have ever heard!

Annagail: (taking the phone back to hear the joke) *GASPING and giving me a disapproving look* : MAMA! That is SO not funny at all! Her baby is bleeding!!!!

Me: Oh, whoops.

*************************************************************

I enjoy listening to my babies play. They come up with the silliest things to say.

I have a new five year old!

2009-11-27T07:45:00.000-08:00

Last year Ella (age 4):

This year Ella (age 5):

This year, Ella will:

-start Kindergarten
-graduate from a Cubbie to a Spark
-Learn to tie her shoes
-learn to read!!!!
-be just one birthday away from being allowed on the top bunk of the bunkbeds (this would probably TOP her list!)

I cannot believe it has been a year since I posted her birthday message LAST year from this same hotel in Charleston. Because she was born so close to Thanksgiving, we are always travelling on her birthday. She LOVES it and I think she thinks the complimentary continental breakfast is set out in her honor. Ha!

Although I know she has loved ALL of her hotel birthdays (especially last year's Curious George Scavenger hunt around Charleston!), we wanted her to have an actual, not-just-family, birthday party. We planned a party for her in December this year. (Flexibility, remember?!?!?! Do you sense a theme on this blog?!?!?!)We are headed to my Mom's house for a little ice cream cake and some surprises to mark the day.

Ella has probably grown a foot since last year and her personality has grown as much or more! She is a sweet young lady that has a ton of energy and LOVES to entertain. Her best friend in the whole world is her little sister, Annagail , and they spend hours each day make-believing that one of them is the Mama and the other is either the daughter or the dog, depending on the mood Ella is in.

Last year, her birthday wish was that she was five instead of four, because five sounded like more fun. I hope it lives up to her expectation! It will if I have anything to do with it.

I love you Ella-Bella-Buttercream!

Bungee Love

2009-11-20T09:33:00.000-08:00

I love catchy titles. Anywho...

I was thinking about my love for my children and all that we have in store for us over the next several years. Being the visual person that I am, I began to think about how our bonds would grow and stretch over time and with weddings, births etc. Ya know what it made me think of?

A bungee chord.

Yup. Love is a bungee chord. Ha! Stick with me here.

Imagine a bungee chord in your mind (the kind you use to tie things down to your car or luggage or what not). There is usually a thick chord (usually several strands wound together) that connects to large hooks. Like bonds of love, a bungee chord should be flexible. Also, the chord gives slack or additional pressure when needed. Bungee chord has a unique quality that allows it to redistribute the pressure on itself to accommodate it's current task with no memory of the last task. It has a soft covering that serves as protection for the load. What good would the bungee BE to the load if it damaged it on the journey? Bungee chords are protected from weather and withstand most hard conditions.

The contrast to bungee love would be love that is all roped up. Think about the qualities of a rope- the kind that old cowboys use :o) The chord, although also usually many chords wound together, is very dry, very rigid. It CAN be moved around and FORCED into different shapes or patterns, but they are limited, it isn't easy, and it usually requires much more work than anyone wants to put in. The materials used to make the rope are usually scratchy and uncomfortable to the touch. It even leaves marks on the load and can cause damage just by it's touch. A rope's length is predetermined by it's maker. Rope cannot be stretched or expanded much longer than it's intended use and doing so would compromise the load itself entirely. Don't even THINK about introducing new elements to the load! It can't take it.

As a Mom to five children that I love both equally and uniquely, I have learned A LOT about bungee love. The chords of love between each one of my children and I are strong, flexible, and proven. The connections I have to my children are equally significant, but they can also be flexible to extend to whichever one or two need more pressure, more support, whatever is needed. If my bond with them is like a rope, it's amount is set and I cannot offer anything more. If that were the case, my love for them would be a set amount for each child also and would breed competition, favoritism, and spite.

I hope that Nathan and I are showing them now how to nurture those bonds themselves also, so that they can purpose a bungee-type love for each other AND whomever is added to our family as the years go by and they leave our home. Hopefully, as they do now, they will always know that attention to another does not equal less love for them. Instead, I pray that they will see times like that as times blessings, as opportunities to grow themselves and learn how to stretch themselves into people that think of the person on the "other end" of that connection BEFORE themselves, which is always a valuable lesson.

So, getting back to my thoughts, I have this vision of Nathan and I standing in the middle of this large group of people, all in their own circles around us. Our children make up the first circle and from that sprouts smaller circles, and from that, more...You get the idea. Connecting us all are these strong flexible chords that give and take, that are flexible enough to allow us to ALL circle around one person or even one of the smaller circles to make a completely new center if need be, in times of need or celebrations, but also have the lack of memory to be able to bounce right back and share the load equally. I have this vision of my children helping to connect new chords to siblings-in-laws as they come and being so HAPPY to do so, because it means that they are able to love MORE and deeper. Can you imagine how large this web-o-love of our's could get with possibly 5 sibling spouses and who knows how many grandchildren?!?!?!?!?!?! I get excited thinking about it!!!

So today, instead of an Irish blessing, I wish you a bungee love blessing!

May your family circles grow and may they be circles filled with joy that bounces back to you for years to come! (insert rim shot here.)

Argh....

2009-11-09T15:25:00.000-08:00

I have been busy in photoland. Because I want the Lord to grow this business according to HIS will and in HIS time, I am only spending money ON this business that was made BY this business. So far, it is growing and I am so excited about it!!!! I am still a wife and mommy, so I am grateful that this isn't intruding on that. So far, it blends beautifully and Nathan and I are enjoying seeing the Lord bless our family. Nathan is even photographing an event for a large radio station in NC (an surrounding areas!) tomorrow morning. BIG fun!

My computer, however, isn't getting with the program. I would LOVE to run out and purchase a new computer, but if the last year has taught me ANYTHING it has taught me that the Lord's timing is always right. Until then,

I may need some help resisting the urge to throw this machine off of my back porch.

If you don't hear from me in a while. It may be because my laptop didn't sprout wings when it really needed to.

Easy Math Lesson

2009-10-31T12:24:00.000-07:00

Flu Bug x Seven Murrays = No dressing up and going to Party On The Block :o(

This is the first time, since we have been parents, that we haven't dressed the kids up in Mama-made costumes and headed out for the wholesome fun of a church carnival on reformation day. I don't know who was more bummed, the kids or Nathan and I.

Remember that post about flexibility from a few weeks ago?Yesterday was just that, a day to teach flexibility and dealing with a little dissappointment.

Instead of moping about not being able to go to the carnival, we turned the day into a GREAT day of fun and rest for our family. Since we decided on Thursday that we weren't going, we had the kids decorate a suggestion box and each put one or two ideas of what we could do instead here at home. Nathan and I went through the box on Friday night and picked at least one from everyone. Here is how we filled our grand day:

-Doughnuts for breakfast (Supposed to be Daylight, but they had a sign the said, "Closed due to illness". I guess this flu math is much more widespread than just seven. Dunkin' Donuts had to suffice)

-Movie Rental#1 (Inkheart- Really good movie by the way for family movie night!)

-Board Games (We had a photo-finish round of CandyLand. We have to use ChutesNLadders pieces, so that all seven of us can play. Haha!)

-Baking (We made some banana muffins for Sunday's breakfast.)

-Watched the GA/FL football game

-Hamburgers/Hotdogs for dinner at a laundry basket picnic.

-Movie Rental #2 (Hotel For Dogs- Eh...it was alright. Wouldn't have spent more than $1)

-Candy Treasure Hunt (the kids favorite part!)

-BEDTIME!

Don't you wish you were here with us, well, MINUS the flu?

On the bright side

2009-10-28T19:51:00.000-07:00

I have been in bed since about 30 seconds after I hit "publish" on that last post. I needed to get out and be upright for a little while or I will NEVER sleep tonight. SO, I thought I would catch you all up on what I have been doing in my blogging absence. I have been doing this:

and this:

OH! Remember all of the bellyachin' I did about not getting to buy the kids' school portraits, which my sweet Mom and Mom-in-law ended up buying. Well, I needed to get some sample shots for a few big projects I have coming up and I did this also:

I have had such a great time doing portrait sessions again. The best part has, by far, been getting to share it with Nathan again. It is where we met. It is a mutual passion that the Lord used to bring us together in the first place and it has been so much fun to have him with me at a session. He sees things the same way I do and we just have such a great time when we are working together.
Also, I have been working on our company site: Kariseen Images . I am not a graphic designer and I am trying to actually MAKE money in this business vs. spend it, so I utilize as much of my paid-for site features and combined them with some free Internet services. It isn't perfect, but I am proud of it.

I have also been studying the book of Acts with a GREAT group of ladies- going through it verse by verse (expository) and learning SO MUCH about those early church days. (People throw that word around so carelessly.) God is showing me so much through His Word and it has become a Tuesday night tradition for the kids to ask me what I learned in Bible Study and I spend a few minutes at dinner telling them where we are "in the story". It is great!

Nathan just fixed me a big bowl of my favorite soup, so I am going to gobble it up and then try to get some sleep- praying that this flu will go away. It is the PITS.

So now you know why I haven't bee blogging so much. On the bright side :o)

We're a Siiick........Howwwwwwwse.

2009-10-28T05:31:00.000-07:00

(did you get that musical reference? HeeHee)

All of the kids stayed home from school on Monday. Even though only MaryEvelyn and Annagail were sick, I wanted to give it another 24 hours before I sent the school kids in to possibly spread the germ to the masses. 24 hours passed. Still, MaryEvelyn was the only school-aged child affected. On Tuesday, Coop and Graycie headed to school. Meanwhile, I started to feel crummy.

Yesterday, while I began my spiral into the flu, MaryEvelyn seemed to be embarqing on her last day of being stuck at home. This morning however, not only did I wake up feeling the full brunt of this flu, not only was MaryEvelyn still running a fever (!!!), but GRAYCEN was burning up the ear thermometer also!

So, I currently have all four of my girls piled up on various couches and recliners, with their bed pillows and rolls of toilet paper at their disposal (can you IMAGINE what boxes of Kleenex would run us?!?!?! I'm just sayin'...) They are watching a little Boomerang cartoons and I am drinking some chamomile with honey.

This too shall pass. I am calling the Doc just to check and make sure I'm not missing something, but I am sure it is just the flu- regular or swine, it is one of them and there isn't much we can do about it other than treat the symptoms.

Nathan is on his way home, so I will be piling up under my covers with my own roll of tp and riding this out myself. I have to finish the kids' Fall Festival costumes before Saturday, so I hope this passes quickly. The Pirates of M cannot be under dressed!

If this flu keeps taking out the Pirates one by one, I don't guess it will matter what the outfits look like, right?

When MaryEvelyn starts running a fever, I know I am in for a long week.

2009-10-25T14:22:00.000-07:00

MaryEvelyn NEVER gets sick. She is a very healthy and strong child and has only actually thrown up, MAYBE, twice in her life. SO, I was a bit concerned when she started getting the chills and running a high fever yesterday. Since then, Annagail has started running a fever.

Needless to say, the kids and I are on lock down. Nathan went to church solo this morning, because he was filling in for our ABF teacher (who was at home sick also!) and he needed to cover the 3 year old Sunday school class that we teach together. Again tonight he headed off to church alone. I feel awful, because it is AWANA store night. The children were so upset that they couldn't go spend their well-earned AWANA-bucks. Nathan and I usually serve in AWANA together- something that I did at first to fill a need but have grown to love doing, so I feel bad that he doesn't have my help tonight also.

Before the illnesses hit yesterday, I hosted a baby shower for a dear friend and then I packed up all the spring/summer clothes for storage- replacing them with the fall/winter clothes. It is a HUGE undertaking and I have many people that ask me "How do you do keep all of that organized with so many children?". SO, I am going to post my "how-to" tips and tricks later. I have been using this method for five years now and it is a proven method for me. Maybe it will work for you too!

Now, I am off to make some homemade macNcheese for the kids. I am hoping that making some good, old-fashioned, mama-love comfort food will lift their spirits!

12:19 am

2009-10-19T21:19:00.000-07:00

It is already tomorrow, but I have a minute while the cupcakes are cooling, so I figured I had no excuse for NOT checking in-HA!

Is it really just Monday?!?!?!?

Nathan and I enjoyed a wonderfully long weekend away and alone. It was a great weekend and we spent almost nothing. We almost went to a movie until I realized that it has been FAR too long since we went to a movie and I couldn't bare to spend the money. Instead we found the nearest Red Box and rented FOUR movies. We slept until 10 or 11 everyday and we ate a late breakfast at the "Awful Waffle"-- a place that we spent many a sleepless study night while we were dating. We ordered soup, salad, and breadsticks TO GO from Olive Garden and just hung out together. It was SUCH a great time. We laughed for hours and slept for hours. Thank you to my in-laws for taking SUCH good care of our kids while we were gone. They got all of the big kids to school on Friday and even supervised Saturday morning chores. The kids were happy to see us, but also sad for their own weekend to end!

So today is Monday and after we got the 3 big kids to school we:
-worked out at the gym.
-did lunch parent duty.
-took a card around for MaryEvelyn's class to sign.
-took the two youngest Murrays to the Chik for lunch.
-picked up Cooper early due to a "headache" that vanished as soon as he got in the car.
-paid a few bills
-afternoon carpool.
-supervised homework.
-washed a load of laundry.
-baked home made lasagna.
-modified and prepared my parent order forms for a new preschool portrait date (to be delivered tomorrow)
-baked cupcakes for MaryEvelyn's class for tomorrow.

As soon as the cupcakes cool enough to be stored, I am headed to bed, so that I can:

-read over my Bible Study text again.
-ice the cupcakes
-rearrange the kids' planned uniforms for the week due to a weather change.
-make breakfast.
-and pack lunches (Xs 7)

before we head out to start our TUESDAY. It is a good thing we had this past weekend to rest up!

Have a Super day!

Swagbucks

2009-10-12T08:54:00.000-07:00

If you are like me and use the internet as your yellow pages, encyclopedia, research assistant, marketing consultant, etc. Then you will want to go here:

http://www.swagbucks.com/refer/thebusymama

and sign up for swagbucks.

I am not a swagbucks hunter, although I hear that there are many extra swagbucks to be found. However, I figure that if I am going to use a search engine anyway I might as well use one that will award me with a gift card eventually. There are many other ways to earn swagbucks, including trading in old video games and cell phones to their go green program.

So, that is my plug for the month. Go check it out!

I love my church.

2009-10-08T21:37:00.000-07:00

I do. I love it.

I love that the most people there treat you like they have known you their whole lives.

I love that the sermons are REAL. I love that they are Scripture driven, not catchy-title supported. I love that I learn something about God and about His church every week. (hint: it isn't always an "atta boy!")

I love that there is accountability there. You come and call yourself a Christ Follower. We will expect you to behave like one, according to God's Word.

I love that with most of my friends, I can say "You offended me brother." and they can say it to me, because there is true love there. Then, we can mend broken fellowship and (catch this!) GROW CLOSER TO THE LORD together. (for the record: I don't say it all that often, but I feel like I could if I needed to.)

I love that people serve other people-not just brothers and sisters that are active in our church, but the people there reach out, way out into the community and world. They serve in love as Christ did.

I love that our church PURPOSES to raise Godly men. I am not talking about the little tykes, although they look out for them also. I am referring to the prayerful consideration and mentoring of men that are going out to plant churches. These men don't just get a high five and a pat on the back. They get time, learning alongside our elders and ministers. It is a beautiful practice and I know it makes the WORLD of difference in the lives of these men, their families, and to the churches they will serve.

I love my church. I do. I love it.

I get defensive when people talk so ugly about "the church", because in doing so they tear down all the good, all the love that MY church has built. I realize that some groups of people do a lot of harm in the name of religion, but nothing gets me angrier than when people use the term "the church" in a negative way, because they are assuming they can speak for ALL churches. They can't.

Do you love your church? Please don't tell me about your great music. We have that also and it is fantastic, but it doesn't a church define. Tell me about the people. Tell me about the faith that you see LIVED out. Tell me about the love that is there that loves at all times. Tell me about your church. Do you love your church?

Cooper's Confession

2009-09-29T10:21:00.000-07:00

Scroll down and check out Cooper's photo on the right.

Yep, he is the one showing horns. He can be a little devil, but he can also melt my heart at times. Like when, after months had past since his Great Gran's passing, he finally and completely out of the blue one evening confessed through sudden, painful tears that he didn't presently care that his Gran Gran was happy in Heaven and that he wanted her here on earth for his 5th birthday. His honesty was so hard to hear, but also so refreshing to know that he would trust me with what he was struggling with in his heart.

This morning, he hesitantly came to me with another confession that, once again, had me in tears, hugging him and reassuring him, while also secretly thanking the Lord for Cooper's heart and his honest.

Cooper: Mama, I have something to tell you, but I don't want anyone else to hear.

Me: Ok, Whisper it to me.

Cooper: *whispering* Last night before I fell asleep, I prayed that Daddy would find a job.

Me: (already feeling the ears welling up) You did? Well that is very sweet honey. You don't need to be embarrassed about that.

Cooper: *still whispering, but now starting to cry* but, even though I prayed for it, I really don't want him to find a job. I don't want him to be gone.

Me: (never one to make anyone cry alone...) Oh, Baby. I know. well. I know. It has been nice having so much time with Daddy. Oh...

I went on to tell Cooper that is was perfectly natural for him to want Daddy to always be here at home with us and that it was good that he asked the Lord to give Daddy what Daddy is seeking, even though it wasn't what Cooper himself wanted. It was a nice conversation with Cooper about thinking of others first and caring more about that than of what our own desires are.

Many times yesterday, I thought about God's message to me through Cooper's confession. This time of having Nathan home has been wonderful. It has provided a lot of time for us as a couple and for Nathan to spend some extra time with the children. As strange as it may sound to the world, it has been a blessing to our family. Lately, I am easily tempting to worry about our future. Cooper's words to me were a fresh and specific reminder from the Lord that He is working this time for His good and that all of it is inside His plan for us.

A Refresher Course On Flexibility

2009-09-26T12:03:00.000-07:00

Ohhhhh, today did not go as planned.

Sing it with me, "Mama said they'll be days like this. They'll be daaaays like this, my Mama said (Mama said-Mama said)!"

Nathan was working for a friend at the fair grounds today. We knew he would be gone for most of the day- from before the kids got up until after 5pm. SO, about a week ago I planned a day of Mama-only fun for today.

Then today actually happened.

The kids slept in a little later than normal, which was fine. I got up a little slower than normal, so it all evened out. The first plan was fresh made banana bread. However, any banana bread recipe worth it's pure vanilla extract takes 40 minutes to an hour just to bake. I needed to feed the kids before an hour from when we all got up. (This is where a former version of myself would have become unglued with the day and decided to say in my jammies until Nathan came home.)Instead, I tossed them all a granola bar to tie them over and set about to make the bread only to find that we were out of eggs. This is a major pet peeve of mine. Ignoring my flesh instinct to call Nathan and give him a snide remark about using the last eggs and not putting it on the grocery list, I took a deep breath and decided that banana bread wasn't meant to be breakfast here today and we moved on to looking for a plan B. I was pleased beyond anything I could tell you to look in the freezer and see a couple of freezer bags full of Nathan's famous homemade waffles that he made from scratch last night. So THAT'S where the eggs went!

Problem solved. Now for the REST of our day. I needed to get to the bank and decided to give the kids a trial with me at the grocery store. They knew that if they became disruptive, we would leave the cart and go home- with no banana bread in our future.

In I went, with my whole crew. (It always makes me giggle to see people's faces as I walk into places with all of my children. They don't knw what to make of me!) the children did fine and we headed home.

Oh yeah. I am potty training Annagail currently. She is doing great, but still in the stage where she really needs to be close to the potty, so I looked at my list and immediately scratched off the park and Target for jelly bellies. "Closing Out My Garden" was next on the list. SURE! We can do that. Let's have at it!

I threw some loose shorts on Annagail to cover her cute, little fanny from the neighbors and we headed outside. The kids were more than thrilled to carry my pots, now full of nothing more than end of the season soil and shriveled stems, and dump them into the woods. One measly pot was carried up to the woods and dumped before Annagail had to go potty. Before I could get to her, it was too late. Accidents are expected this early in potty training (day 4). I just knew right then that she wasn't at the point where anything touching her fanny was going to help her. So, what to do now? Four kids were outside, eager and excited to do a little playing in the dirt and cleaning and one who couldn't wear pants. Hmmmm. My choices: freak out completely and declare today a complete misfire, thus accomplishing nothing but a mountain of Mama guilt at day's end OR roll with and think of a , now, plan C.

I had the kids pull all of the bikes and scooters off of the porch and I blocked the exit. Now, Annagail could come out onto the porch without Oh-fending any passers by :o) The kids helped me finish cleaning out my pots from my container garden and stacking them in the closet. They played on their toys while I took advantage of the clear porch and gave it a good sweep and wash down to clean off the soil spots where the dirt had been.

The rest of the day has been filled with some book reading, LOTS of false alarm trips to the potty (Lots and Lots and LOTS!), and a few discipline issues. It hasn't been the day I thought or wanted it to be, but it has been what it was mean to be I am sure.

Learning to be flexible and teaching my children to be flexible with life has been one of the greatest by-products of having this great, big family of ours. It doesn't always go according to plan, but as long as we don't get rigid and refuse to adapt, we don't get too stressed about it. The kids are the same way. I appreciate that characteristic in them. I think having that flexibility makes it far easier for us to lean on the Lord. We submit to His will easier, because we know that He is in control and our plans are only OUR plans. They are feeble compared to the purpose that God has for us.

So I picked up eggs at the grocery store with the kids. I still haven't gotten to that banana bread yet, but I will later tonight...maybe.

A Fall Makeover

2009-09-15T17:46:00.000-07:00

On the kids' first day of school back in July, Casey called, was in town from Texas, and wanted to come over and photograph our family. It was a busy day and my house was a wreck, but I SO wanted to see Casey. She is very talented and the images that are now making this blog look so lovely are just a sampling of the beautiful images she captured. I am telling you, I saw bridesmaid gowns on my two oldest in some of these images. They have grown up so fast and the rest is going to go like lightening, isn't it?

Thank you so very much Casey!

Crazy Love

2009-09-13T20:56:00.000-07:00

I am a part of an online book club and we are reading "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan.

I.Love.It.

I love the book AND the club. It is a big club (we are talkin' women that cross the globe, seriously), yet it still seems intimate somehow.

The book.

At first glance and after the first few minutes of listening to Chan's delivery style (he has videos that correlate with the chapters online), you might just toss him into the category of the droves of "pastors" out there these days that spend more time pressing their Ed Hardy t-shirts and picking out just the right belt to match than they do their message, but you would be wrong. You know who I am talking about-the ones that seem "too cool fro school" and try so hard to be trendy that they often don't get taken seriously when they claim to be pastors at the coffee shop and take pride in that, because it somehow fortifies the status of "rebel" that makes them feel better about the softballs they are throwing their audience in the way of spiritual truth. If you lump Chan into that category, it seems you would be dead wrong. He seems pretty "hip" and "with it", but He is also speaking truth without prejudice.

It is obvious that he desires change in the church (by that I mean the WHOLE of the church). However, Chan doesn't spend time dismantling the body of Christ with divisive, unproductive slurs that only seek to deflect true seekers and are counterproductive to the sharing of the gospel. Instead, He makes quick work of taking to task the attitudes and , what He calls "the amnesia" of the church.

I walked away from reading the intro and chapter one feeling renewed in my awe for my Heavenly Father-- reminded of how His greatness should overwhelm me on a daily basis and that even as big and as great as He is,

He.made. me.

He.loves.me.

He delivered His Son into the hands of death.

for. me.

Did you hear that? For ME.

I am going now to read some of the discussions from the book club and then to get a start on chapter two. Join me?

Eleven Years

2009-09-04T20:55:00.000-07:00

In 5 minutes, Nathan and I will have been married for eleven years.

I think back to those two kids that sobbed their way through their vows and I hardly recognize them. We recently hung our large wedding portrait in the entrance way to our apartment. I can see it when I am in the kitchen and at the dining table. It is a wonderful thing to think back on that day often. We didn't have a clue what was ahead of us. We thought we were ready. In some ways, we were ready for ANYTHING that could come our way, because we loved each other so very much. In other ways, we were SO NOT READY. The really great news is that our life was in His hands, even when we didn't acknowledge it. His plan was perfect for us even when we had no idea of how much He would change us.

Have I shared with you that Nathan planned and kept our Honeymoon a complete secret from me until our wedding reception? How romantic is that?!?!?!?!? After our ceremony and after our first dance, the DJ announced that we would be leaving (in like 15 hours!!!) for an eight day cruise of the Western Caribbean. It was a magical moment for me. In hindsight, these eleven years have been full of surprises like that. There have been lots of surprise pink lines. There have been course changes that have led to new journeys. There have also been some not-so-fun surprises. However, the love that brought us to that wisteria covered gazebo, on that hot September evening in Georgia all those years ago, has grown through ALL of them.

I love you Nathan. I would choose you all over again. I would put on that dress and that Smashing Pumpkins song and walk right down that aisle again tomorrow-without hesitation.

Here's to another 80 years of loving, living,a nd serving side-by-side.

I. love. you. baby.

~Angela

New BFFs

2009-09-02T19:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my best friend and I shared her new (one month old) baby with my babies. It was a beeee-autiful moment for them and for me. With each one, little Caroline would settle right in and snuggle to sleep. It was precious. I kept thinking of how much time we spent, as a family, praying for her while Erin was pregnant. For them, this little baby girl is flesh and blood evidence that God is real. These two hands will be friends for life. I just know it.

6 and 1/4 inches

2009-08-19T19:44:00.000-07:00

Every year around my birthday, we celebrate by marking up our living room bookcase! Before you start imagining some chaotic painting fest, let me show you:

We started this tradition in 2005, our first year here in NC. Every year since, we line the kids up and mark their growth on this bookcase. The bookcase itself was a hand-me down bookcase that we received from Nathan's sweet Aunt many years ago. It was stained dark and had about 30 coats of high gloss on it. Nathan and I spent several nights (maybe WEEKS!) sanding it down, priming it, and painting it. Even still, it wasn't one of the items I would consider a "must-have" when we trimmed down our belongings to fit into a townhouse half the size of the home we left in the dust. NOW, however, it is one of my MOST prized possessions. I have often said, quite seriously, that should the Lord lead us to a space that does not have the dimensions, we would hae to dismantle the bookcase to remve the side panel before we disposed of it!

Tonight was the night. After dinner and baths, we lined them up and marked the bookcase. Graycen and MaryEvelyn had each grown over 2 inches. Cooper had grown over 2 inches also! Ella had grown a whopping 3 inches, but Annagail won the growth prize for the year! See the purple line at the top of this photo? Now look waaaaaaaaaaaaay down towards the bottom at the pink line.

That would be where Annagail's mark from last year!!! She grew 6 1/4 inches in the past year. It is amazing how much they have grown and how QUICKLY another year has gone by.

In the last 6 1/4 inches, Annagail has learned to run, learned to jump, learned to TALK up a blue streak. She has danced and can even climb into her crib all by herself (luckily for us, she has not yet climbed OUT!) Her hair has grown inot gorgeous bouncy (and brunette!) curls. She has taken to calling her Daddy "Crazy Tuna", which I think is just hysterical and cute. She has learned to say, "I'm sorry" and she has learned to say, "I forgive you". She has learned to say, "NO!" and she has gotten her first (but certainly not her last) spanking. She has learned to thank the Lord for her family and for her food and she has also learned how to ask Him to forgive her also.

Yes, these 6 1/4 inches have come with a lot of life lived for our littlest blessing. She has grown into a bubbly, giggly little girl. Annagail is cuddly and plump and I love feeling her little squishy arm wra around my neck early in the morning after she has called for her Daddy to get her out of bed and put her into ours.

More than any of these things she has grown into, she is my perfect, daily reminder that God's plan is always better than ours.

A Contest and a Great Blog to Check out!

2009-08-17T06:47:00.000-07:00

I stumbled upon this blog a while ago. Matt's topics and writing style are always interesting and get you thinking. Check out this contest he is offering, but also check out his series on "10 people Who Will Kill You Church" . It is a 3 part series that I would love to see in a book. You will read it and think two things. You will first think, "Oh, that is _________ ." Then, you will think, "Is that ME?!?!?!?!?!" or at least you SHOULD think that at least once when reading it. If you don't, you probably ARE one of those people. LOL!

For the cut-n-pasters out there:
http://www.thechurchofnopeople.com/2009/08/contest-for-people-who-like-free-stuff.html

Enjoy!

feelin' low & transparent

2009-08-13T17:23:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling low tonight. Tomorrow is school pictures for the kids. We just can't squeeze the cost out of our budget right now. As much as I know that it is not a big deal in the whole scheme of things, as much as I praise the Lord for the food that graces our table each and every morning, this little thing has me feeling so awful. Ugh.

pit.in.my.stomach. awful.

The kids don't care what brands they wear. They don't have a single "keepin' up" bone in their body yet. I am a photographer, for goodness sake! So why is it that I am so gut-wrenched about not being able to buy these few, not even wonderful quality, cookie cutter "style" pictures?

Part of it is that it is Cooper and MaryEvelyn's first year, but most of it is that I have this sense that we should be able to do this for them. I realize that it isn't food, shelter, or clothing. It isn't a basic need. It is clearly in the "want" category. My head can see that. My heart, however, aches to see them standing in carpool line in a few weeks with their little plasticky, windowed envelope picture packet- so proud to show me how sweet they looked on picture day.

Sometimes it is the littlest of things...

Nothing to say.

2009-08-11T16:52:00.001-07:00

So, I am in this wierd haze lately that has me not able to completely concentrate on any one thing for a long period of time and I find myself singing Edie Brickel songs all day. What is THAT about?!?!?!?!

AWANA is about to start, which means that it has started full swing for us in prep work. It has been H.O.T. and with no a/c in our Suburban, I have probably lost 20 pounds in sweat alone. I have had a few photo sessions and have been having fun learning even more about my camera when I am not in session. Nathan is continuing to look for work. His school is set to start in the next two weeks. I think I am just in a busy mama haze, but...Edie Brickel?

cRaZy CoOpEr.

2009-08-08T11:17:00.000-07:00

Cooper is one crazy kid. He is also very sweet and THRIVES on positive reinforcement. I am thankful to report that he has gone over a week in school with no disciplinary action needed. YAY!!!!!!

Nathan just came in and shared this story with me and I had to post it for memory sake. Maybe I will quote it at his graduate school graduation one day. ***Warning: Bodily Function mentioned. If you are too prim & proper for such talk, well, you may want to check back another day..or...not :o)

Nathan: (upon entering Cooper's room and seeing his lincoln log creations) "WOW Cooper. You are getting really good at building those houses!"

Cooper: "Thanks Daddy!"

Nathan: "You are so good at it that maybe you will be a famous architect one day."

Cooper: "Whats an architect?"

Nathan: "You know, someone who designs houses or skyscrapers?"

Cooper: "Whats a skyscraper?"

Nathan: "A big tall building that goes way up into the sky!"

Cooper: (looking up at Nathan smiling) "I just tooted."

LOL! He is only 6 remember. I guess there is plenty of time for him to daydream about what he will do one day. For now, maybe we will have a few lessons on manners.

Dilema Decided.

2009-08-08T06:14:00.001-07:00

I convinced myself with my last post. I am done with facebook. Before Nathan changed my password to something I didn't know, I made sure that my email was correct and even posted my cellphone. Anyone who really needs or wants to get in touch with me can.

Thanks for your comments. A friend made a point that I thought was worth sharing.

"...it has not encouraged me to think graciously about people...about people in my own church. If I "think" I know what they are thinking b/c of what I see on their facebook page...then in real life when something comes up I automatically jump to conclusions and think the worst." ~Abby

This is very true. I am not sure it is completely healthy for any relationship to have that much access. Boundary lines begin to blur and unhealthy habits can breed like flesh-eating bacteria.

So, I am not a fan of facebook anymore. I realize that I could try and work it into my life in a healthy way, but I just don't want to manage this sin. I want it gone-eradicated.

I can tell you that not accessing it over the last few days has been really wonderful. If you are an avid facebooker, you should at least try a short break for a few days. It is amazing the things we find ourselves slaves to that we don't even realize.

Have a great weekend!

The Facebook Dilema

2009-08-06T16:36:00.001-07:00

I find myself in a facebook dilema.

I have been on facebook for....oh....two years now. Since then, I have reconnected with hundreds (I am not kidding,hundreds!!) of people from my past, present, and future. It has been wonderful to see photos of people "all grow'd up" and catch up on the last twenty years (or more!) from some old friends. Facebook has been a catalyst for healing of some old hurts and a safe connecting place for some otherwise difficult relationships. It is sometimes far easier to keep up with a difficult relationship through short status updates and photo-documentaries.

So where is "the rub" you might ask?

It is two-fold.

First and foremost, it is addicting. People say that, probably a million times a day in cyber world and it is very, very, VERY true. I think it is absolutely, to some of us, what soap operas were to our Mothers and Grandmothers. It is escape. I love my family. I love my job as a home manager. I would be a big, fat LIAR if I told you that it wasn't a thrill to be able to sit here in my favorite chair and explore all of the ins and outs of other people's lives on facebook. I have enjoyed all of the mindless quizzes and "memes" to read. I have even had a cyber english bulldog named flash, who is surely dead by now! LOL! It is an escape-a ticket to journey through exciting events and other people's exciting lives. Plain and simple, it takes away from my first ministry-the one to my husband and my children. Even more sadly, it takes away from my relationship with the Lord.

i⋅dol
–noun
1. an image or other material object representing a deity to
which religious worship is addressed.
a. an image of a deity other than God.
b. the deity itself.
2. any person or thing regarded with blind
admiration, adoration, or devotion
3. a mere image or semblance of something, visible but without substance, as
a phantom.
4. a figment of the mind; fantasy.
5. a false conception or notion; fallacy.

Almost all of these definitions apply to facebook for me. The bottom line:

My prayer life isn't what it should be, but my facebook status is always accurate.

So you might say, "get a grip and some self-control while you are at it!", right?

Well...

That brings me to the second issue I am having with facebook. It can be what I am calling False fellowship. When a woman has early labor pains it is often called "false labor" which equates to a lot of action that amounts to no real progress.

Facebook creates an artificial sense of "friendship" with people where there is no real relating to one another going on. There are at least a few people on my friends list that would comment away about status updates or posts I make on fb, but would never dare to come up and hug my neck after service on Sunday about the same thing. I know that I do the same thing!!! I think facebook creates a false sense of fellowship that, in reality, is building walls even higher in real life. We can seemingly communicate without judgement on facebook. The kind words, the sarcasm and even the unsolicited advice flow freely from the tips of fingers onto the keyboard, but are kept in tight at the lips when the chance to really fellowship with someone presents itself. Remember those difficult relationships I spoke of earlier? I wonder if it is indeed a blessing to have this "safe zone" to relate to each other or if it is actually just a place that we can be comfortable at, while avoiding the healing of those heart issues that make those relationships hard to begin with.

On the contrary, I have made friends through through groups on facebook that I think I could really get along with in real life. It can go both ways I guess.

I don't know what I will do. For now, I am taking a facebook break. I am leaning towards deleting my account, but I love getting to see some great old friends on there and hear about their lives. I have been encouraged greatly by more than one long phone conversation with friends from over the years that I have caught up with on facebook. I just wonder if the benefit is worth the risk.

So what do you think? Do you facebook? Do you find yourself sitting at the keyboard when you should be relating to someone face-to-face? I would love to hear your facebook thoughts :o)

Hello old friends!

2009-08-01T13:03:00.001-07:00

That is how it feels getting back onto my blog. I don't have any time lately. I thought that getting two more kiddos in school would give me more time to get things done during the day so that I would have time at night for things like my blog. It isn't true though. I am grateful that isn't the only reason we decided to put them into school! I would be sorely disappointed right about now. Haha! I am sure these first two weeks of school won't be the norm, but they have been CRAZY. I am hoping that they settle down very, VERY soon :o) Nathan is concentrating his job search to areas that would allow us to continue living within drivable distance to the kids' school, so it looks like we will be staying put for at least another year (YEAH!!!!).

Nathan IS still job hunting. We are still faithfully seeking God's Will. While we pray, seek, pray, seek and pray some more, we have put some time and energy into restarting our photography business. That has been so much fun to work on as a team. (I am so very grateful to have so many things in common with my beloved!) We have created as site to promote our business and offer online proofing for our customers. http://www.kariseenimages.com/ . Our business is called Kariseen Images. Kariseen is a word we came up with because we have always said that portraits should capture the light the shines through each of us. (Our business in GA was called Heartlight Images). The word Karis means "grace" in Greek. Kariseen means simply, "grace seen". We like the reference to the oil kerosene also-the fuel, the fire that comes from it. We have so enjoyed being back on this side of the lens and working with clients again. I have several sessions already booked for August and am really praying that the Lord will grow or limit our business completely according to His perfect Will.

Aside to that, I have renewed my status as a Creative Memories Consultant. You can probably guess that I am not a high-pressure saleswoman, nor do I aspire to be. However I do enjoy scrapbooking and love the new choices that CM offers. There are a few albums that we plan to use as our package albums. If you are a scrapbooker (traditional or digital) and are looking for a contact in CM, please check out my site. One of the things I like best about the new format is that you can order from my site and have it shopped directly to your door. :o) http://www.mycmsite.com/angelamurray

So that is what is new in the world of this busy mama! I am off to wash school uniforms and plan lunches for the next week. Have a great weekend!

Emptied Of Self, to be filled with Christ

2009-07-20T19:49:00.000-07:00

I am working on a post about the kids' first day of school today and the surprising POWER it had over my entire day (!!!), but I don't have the photos uploaded, so I wanted to share with you something that has been on my chest lately.

Nathan and I FINALLY watched a movie a few weeks ago that my Mom gave us for Christmas. It is the movie that Ruth Bell Graham's children made about her after she passed away. It is a moving tribute to a woman who was devoted to her God, her husband and her family, in that order.

It really got my mind going and I have been thinking about it, in any available quiet moment, ever since. All of her children, all of her friends had SUCH great things to say about her. She was noble, educated woman. She was a wonderful wife who, honestly, took care of her entire family as a (physically) single mom most of the time because her husband, Billy Graham, was evangelizing all over the world. She supported her husband and his calling 100% and without waivering. It was a great testimony to her life, this movie.

So, I started thinking about what my kids would say about me. How would my friends speak about me if I passed from this earth to my home?

Although I am sure that nice things would be said, if any one's first thought of my character is anything BUT "She lived her LIFE as a Christ follower that loved her Lord with all of her heart.", I will have failed. I want to be remembered as a good wife. I want my kids, my girls, to see that in me. I want to be remembered as a good Mother. More than ANY of these things though, I want people to know that I am a child of God and that my life, my heart, my every breath is devoted to Him. For it is in THAT kind of character that all the other traits are hidden.

I want my first and last thoughts to be of Jesus each day. I want my first and last words to my children to be about Jesus. I want people to see me driving down the road or walking through the grocery store and to KNOW that I love my Lord and am His faithful servant. I want to be FILLED with Christ.

I want to be emptied of me and completed in Him alone.

Turn your volume up Tuesday.

2009-07-14T07:11:00.001-07:00

OK, so I just made that up, but turn your music up and listen to/watch this. I LOVE it! It gives me goosebumps everytime I watch it.

The time has come to stop evaluating why you sin. We sin because we are flesh.

Make WAR!

Learning to Minister God's Way

2009-07-13T20:43:00.001-07:00

Some of you have read about April on Casey's blog. She has been in Casey's life for over a year as Casey has been ministering to her, first on the streets where she found her pregnant and surviving anyway she could, and then through her delivery and subsequent rehab treatment/recovery. For the past month, I have been blessed to get to know April. For a little while, she was living relatively close by in a half-way house and I could pick her up and help her run errands with her son several days a week. I was keeping Tash on days that she worked and LOVED that she trusted me with her son. I enjoyed talking with her. She is very open and honest about her past. She often asked me questions about the Bible and about my faith in general. I was happy that I could meet those needs for her and that she felt like she had a friend in me.

A week ago she decided to leave the half-way house. Whether I agree with why she left or whether I would have made the same choice is irrelevant. I haven't come from where she has come from. My reality is different than her's. She made the decision to leave and, to her, that was what she had to do. So now, I am unable to help her as much physically. She is too far away for me to run and get her and drive her around. It is strange, but when she called to tell me that she was headed to a shelter with her son that first night, I was tempted to grab my keys and bring her to our apartment. It was the night of Graycen's tonsillectomy, so there was no way that I could bring her into our home and she wouldn't have had it anyway. Her mind was made up.

Since then, I have only been able to talk with her on the phone every other day. She seems to be doing okay. She celebrated 6 months of sobriety at a meeting. She is eating and she has gotten a bed in a shelter each night. There is long-term housing on the horizon if she can stay with this situation for a few more days, but tonight she sounded very tired. Every time I talk to her lately, I have to fight the urge to go and get her. I have to remind myself that my job is to pray for her and support her anyway I can 100% within the limits God has given me. We don't have endless funds available for gas to run downtown and back each day. I don't have a home where she and her son could sleep and feel safe and comfortable. For now, I can pray. I can pray that she gets food and shelter, but the best thing I can do is to pray that the Lord will call her and that when he does, she will hear Him and she will run to Him. She talks about "having faith" and about "knowing that God has a plan for her", but I am not sure those aren't just familiar phrases she has picked up over time. I am praying that she will come to KNOW exactly what those phrases really mean and that she will be able to stake her life on them

Will you pray with me?

School Starts in ONE WEEK!

2009-07-12T13:16:00.000-07:00

I am making my school shopping list. Instead of carrying around three different lists, I decided to combine them into one. I am not sure that I should done that. It is intimidating. I might should have started gathering these a month ago. Wish me luck!

Combined School Supply List:

Wide-Ruled spiral notebook (times 3)
3 Pencil pouch (cloth, zippered, med sized)
24 pack crayons (times 2)
Pencils (no mechanical pencils) (times 3)
3 Box of any size Zip-loc bags
6 pencil sharpeners
3 Primary Composition book
2 Red, 2 Yellow and 2 Green folder (fro C& M)
3 folders-any color (for G)
60 Red pens
40 Blue pens
4 Scissors
Play Dough (1)
12 Glue sticks (plus some to share with class)
Eraser (hand held)
3 pack washable markers (for G & M)
Colored pencils
6 plastic pocket folders
One 12 in. ruler with cm on the other side
*6 quarters
*10 dimes
*8 nickels
*30 pennies-Send in zip lock bag with child’s name.( for C & M)
Erasers (pencil top and regular) (for G & M)
Raincoat or poncho (left in book bag) (times 3)
2 Spiral bound notebook (single subject) (for G & M)
$5.00 for pocket portfolio (
Tissues (1 box)
Box of baby wipes

(To share with M's class)
Wide ruled paper
1 box of crayons
1pack of pencil top erasers
1pack of #2 pencils
1 box of Clorox wipes
1 pair of child scissors
Extra pencils
Large erasers
Disinfectant wipes**
Plastic utensils

(Items to be shared with G's Class)
Extra #2 pencils
Box of plastic spoons, forks
Tissues (2 boxes)
2 packs wide-rule notebook paper
Optional Donations:
Paper towels, napkins, plates,
cups, paper plates and bowls
Dry erase markers
Fat Cash store rewards:
stickers, fancy pencils &
erasers, bracelets, party favors,
small candy treats
Ream of white copy paper
Disinfectant wipes**
Board games in good shape

This list, on top of filling in gaps in uniform stock, will have me busy for the rest of the week!

Check This Out.

2009-07-08T16:15:00.000-07:00

We have had an exciting day. Graycen gt her tonsils and adenoids out today. Big fun. She did great and continues to do really well. I, on the other hand, am exhausted. Too exhausted to write a thang! Thank you to those of you that knew about Graycen's surgery and prayed for her. It really went FAB-U-LOUSLY. We're talkin' surgery starting 30 minutes ahead of schedule, Graycen up and able to eat dinner tonight kind-a fabulous. The Lord had His hand on o ur day today FO-REAL.

I found this over at Emily's place. It is inspiring. It is far greater than anything I could have written today.

Enjoy!

~Angela

Look what I grew!!!

2009-07-03T15:29:00.000-07:00

Can you believe it?!?!?! I had one cucumber ripen up a couple of days ago also, but the girls and I washed it and gobbled it up immediately. This is my first harvest of a few different things.

I love, love, LOVE my little patio garden.

The back story:
I once had a very nice house with a nice-sized backyard. Nathan and I searched and searched for THAT house for THAT reason. We wanted a big back yard for kids to play in and for me to have a garden. I had always wanted a garden. Starting 20 days after we moved in, we brought a new baby home every year that we lived in that house. That left little to no time for a garden.

When we moved fro GA to NC for Nathan to fulfill God's calling on him, I mourned having to prolong that dream...AGAIN. I pushed it forward and began to think about it in the far-off future...again. It was added to a growing list of things we would do "one day" when there was more space, more time.

This year,we decided to just plant a few things and see what happened. I started reading about container gardening in January and we were ready to plant at the beginning of April. I was excited that Nathan wanted to go ahead and try it out this year. We decided to plant a few things, with little-to-know expense, and just see what happened. We planted basil, stevia (a natural sweetener), mint, jalapenos, zucchini, yellow squash, sweet 100 tomatoes,cucumbers (free from someone who left the 1 inch seedlings at the church!), and rosemary.

I cannot tell you the JOY that I have had with my little garden. I love walking out there and checking the soil. I love filling my pitchers and watering the plants. Our entire household was buzzing was when we started to see buds of veggies coming onto the stems. I have learned a lot about patience that I didn't expect to learn. So today, it was quite the thrill to be able to pick a few veggies and know that WE helped these things grow with our own hands.

In our life, where we have committed to answer God's call on us regardless of sacrifice, we have many things that get put into the "maybe one day" category. It isn't because God desires for us to not have our dreams fulfilled, but more because God is teaching us to want what HE wants and to desire what HE desires. I believe that often, He wants us to discover that our dreams are indeed fulfilled in exactly what He has already given and planned for us. Thats what has happened with my little garden. I have learned that sometimes you just have to adjust your way of thinking about your desires and stop waiting for some BIG delivery. What you may see as a compromise on your dream, is really just God preparing your heart for Him to deliver BIG joy in a smaller package.

These pretty flowers attract the bees that are my hardest workers in the garden.

This is what we had with our dinner tonight. It was delicious. I am blessed with big veggie eaters. We are going enjoy eating our harvest this summer!

Wise Words To Live By

2009-07-03T07:46:00.000-07:00

I have heard it said that imitation is the best form of flattery. However, it can also be evidence of psychological damage. Learning to know the difference is key. ~The Busy Mama

God Of This City

2009-06-28T20:49:00.000-07:00

This afternoon, I sat here on the couch playing FARKLE (it is addictive!!) and heard my kids singing "God Of This City". There is something very hopeful about hearing those sweet voices singing the words, "Greater things are yet to come and greater things are still to be done in this City!" and "There is no one like our God!" . Their world will, inevitably be harder than ours was. However, they have the same sovereign Lord on their side.

2009-06-26T07:07:00.000-07:00

Saved at 9. Left alone, in my sinful flesh, to sort it all out by 12. Sought that same, special love in all the wrong places by 19. With a heart more than just broken, was set in the path of a kind, compassionate soul at 20 and began to remember what unconditional love looked and felt like. At 23, saw my Abba Father running down the road to meet me as I finally came home.

All the while, He was there. He was waiting for me to step out of the pig pen and step one foot on the road to home, so that He could meet me MORE than halfway and show me love and comfort that I never knew was possible.

At 34,"Grateful" does not do my heart justice.

New look, New Photos!

2009-06-25T13:15:00.001-07:00

I try to take portraits of the kids every 6 months or so. The ones that were on my sidebar before today were taken back in December, so I have been itching to update them. The kids are still changing so much that 6 months seems like an eternity when you compare the photos.

We spent a few days at Nathan's Grandmother's house this week. It was a nice time to unwind. There is no central air, so it was HOT, but it was a nice visit anyway. The kids LOVE it there and always have. This was our first trip there since Gran's funeral, over a year ago. We have tried to get back a few times, but something always got in the way. At first, it was hard being there- hard for Nathan and I, but also for the kids. Graycen was especially sad. I cannot tell you how grateful I am that our children have cherished memories from that place with their Gran-Gran. It is funny the things they rembembered and wanted to do, because they had always done them WITH Gran. Cooper wanted to walk out and "check the well". The "well" is nothing more than one of those fake-rock well covers that you can see all over NC, but Gran always took Cooper out to see the well, so he was ready to go out there as soon as we arrived.

Graycen got really sad after about 30 minutes there. She was looking through pictures and became a bit overwhelmed missing her Gran-Gran. Although a lot looks exactly the same there, so much is gone and different and it hit her harder than the rest. We held her and comforted her while I know her little heart was hurting. That has to be THE HARDEST part of being a parent. Even still, I am beyond joyful knowing that she holds those memories, even if they make her sad at times. I am grateful that we didn't procrastinate our time with Gran while she was here and that the kids really KNEW her before she went to Heaven.

Here are some of the photos I took while we were there. Enjoy!

Obviously, I love the porch on this house. This rocker is where Gran sat and watched the kids play. The house is old and tattered, but it has a certain charm that can't be duplicated. Our family has always loved our visits there and we hope to get in a few more before the property is sold or whatever ends up happening to it now that Gran is gone.

I will leave you with this picture of Annagail winking. She usually closes both eyes, but she practices and practices. Whether she actually got it here, or whether the shutter was just quicker I don't know. Either way, I love the picture of her!

Have a great weekend!!!

Ugh! Can I please pass the WHINE already?!?!?!

2009-06-17T19:00:00.000-07:00

Most days, I am super-pumped about our future. Most days, I can take the uncertainty and the waiting. Today, on the other hand, isn't one of those days.

I will spare you the whine, but I have been on the verge of tears all day. Truthfully, I still feel great about where we are and about knowing that the Lord is in control. I am just feeling overwhlemed tonight by the sheer contrast of the two futures we are now planning for. Basically, it comes down to untrust. Most days, I am trusting and for that I am encouraged. Today though, I am not succeeding as well. Church tonight helped, because I was busy. I got in the car, however, and the tears started to well up again on the way home

I am grateful for Nathan, who is my best earthly counsel. If he doesn't have the answers, he at least knows how to distract me or get me laughing. I played a couple of rounds of MArioKart with Cooper tonight during his special time after bedtime. That is always nice.

SO, tomorrow is a new day and I am planning to put this one and the doubt that came with it behind me very soon.

Finding Treasures

2009-06-13T15:48:00.001-07:00

Nathan and I are doing some cleaning/organizing/PURGING that will help a possible move go much smoother. In doing this, we have uncovered many little things that have made us smile like artwork from the kids, journals we kept over certain years ad old letters. I found one letter that made me cry. It made me cry, because it was written during a very special time in our lives, but also because it spoke to my heart and to the situation we are in now, waiting, praying and seeking God's will. Here it is:

***warning to male readers:there may be TMI in this letter for you. Consider yourself warned.*****

(dated July 13, 2006)

My dear Nathan,

I'm writing this letter to you, because I wanted to put into words exactly what I am feeling.You see, as I write this, I believe there is a pretty good chance that I am pregnant with our fifth baby. I won't know for certain and won't be able to find out for few weeks. I wanted to write it down ow, before all of the emotions set in and in case things get confusing.
If I find out that we have again been blessed with another blessing, I will be happy. My cycle wasn't "normal" this month and ovulation was VERY early. There was no way to predict this and only one way to explain it. It was God. He moved in our lives, so that His magnificence would be shown. Whether I am pregnant or not...

(I must have gotten called away, because the letter picks up here with a different date of July 18)

See?!?! Just like that it is now the 18th! That is how our life is right now! We may have the best of intent, but a lot of times life intercedes!! So, where was I???
OH! Whether I am pregnant or not, God will be glorified this month! This past month has been a hard transition for me. I am so happy about your new job and all of the benefits that come with it. The smile and confidence that I see returning to your face makes all of the hard work worth it.
More than ever before, I have found myself questioning how IN THE WORLD we could handle another baby?!?!?!?!? I mean, I am SO TIRED at the end of the day now that I could FALL OVER!!! I don't know how I could emotionally or mentally handle another baby. I even worry as to whether or not I can physically carry another baby!
However, there are a few other things that i can't imagine. I can't imagine exactly how much my heart will grow with love for another baby if God blesses again. I can't imagine how many tears of joy we will shed in those first few days of holding another teeny, tiny, bundled life in our arms.
Aaaaaaaaah, I hear my life beginning to wake up from naps, so I am going to say goodbye now. I love you! ~An

The great, great thing about finding this note today is that I found it while the baby I was speaking of in the letter climbed all over us. She is two now and I can't imagine our life without her. I was indeed just DAYS pregnant when I wrote this letter. Sitting here today, reading that letter, I was able to draw close comparisons from THOSE emotions to ones that I am feeling NOW. We aren't pregnant, but we are waiting to find out what direction the Lord intends our family to go. It is blessed assurance to look back on the near 3 years since I wrote this letter to my dear Nathan and see how faithful and glorious the Lord has been to us. I can look forward to our temporarily uncertain future with confidence that, just like He did then, He has a plan for us. Even if it isn't what WE had planned, it will be PERFECT, because it will be HIS plan.

My Boy

2009-06-06T20:51:00.001-07:00

In 9 minutes, my boy turns 6.

I can't believe it. It has been 6 whole years since that little, 5 lbs and change nugget made his way into this world nearly 4 weeks early. Wow.

Cooper was purposed to be the only son in this house full of daughters. He will irritate them and aggravate when the opportunity arises, but he will also stand in front of them on the playground when a bully threatens to harm them.

Cooper digs in his heels on the silliest of issues and refuses to budge, unless one of those girls scream, "SPIDER!!!!!!" and then he is off like a flash with a shoe in hand to save the day.

Cooper is the pickiest eater you have ever met and will sooner die some days than to eat a meal that he decided is "yucky" even if he devoured it the day before, but you should see him at bedtime. His baby Sister, Annagail, LOVES her "Bubba" and spends a few moments each night laying next to him on his pillow. He is so sweet with her and lets her lay on his arm and then crawl all over him to give him kisses and hugs before we lift her out and put her into her own bed.

Cooper loves all of his family very much. He didn't get to have his big birthday party last year, because he was having some behavior issues (Pipe down. We celebrated his birth, just not with 10 of his closest friends.) He has been waiting ALL YEAR for a party. So what did he do when he found out that his Papa (Nathan's Dad) was going to be in Paraguay on the day we originally planned to have his party? He cried and begged us to reschedule it for TWO WEEKS later when his Papa could be there.

He notices when my day is going gloomy and he becomes attached to may lap, giving me kisses and hugs and, "I love you Mom" 's. I love hearing him say "and guess what?" 45times to tell a story that would take about a minute otherwise.

I love you Super-Cooper. It makes me smile every morning when you are the last out of bed and your hair is sticking straight up from how hard you were sleeping. I love it when you pretend to be mad, but can't stifle your giggle or that great smile you have. I am very proud of you and I hope that you have a WONDERFUL year as a big SIX year old!!!

I didn't see this one coming.

2009-06-04T16:46:00.000-07:00

Nathan did something today that I NEVER thought we would do on this journey. He turned down a ministry position. It makes sense, I guess, that people who are striving to fulfill God's plan for them would maybe, at some point, be offered a job that they felt wasn't right for them. I guess I had just never put myself there or thought about it much. The church sounded fine. The money was going to be fine. The 5 bedroom, all-brick, nearly 3000 sq ft house (!!!!!!) that was completely fenced in, completely renovated inside and was about $50,000 BELOW our price range sounded FABULOUS. What wasn't fabulous was the peace that was missing in our hearts regarding this position. We sought much counsel and prayed a lot and ultimately decided to turn down this position, because we felt the Lord wasn't leading us there.
Whew. Even typing that causes me to have some butterflies. It was a paycheck after all. However, we knew that it wasn't the paycheck that the Lord intended for us.

So now the praying and seeking continues. We know that the Lord knows our needs and He knows the deadlines on us. We aren't trusting Him to meet our deadlines. We are trusting Him to use our lives for His glory and that He will work out all of the details according to His Will.

Still living in His peace that passes all understanding through this and grateful for each and every prayer you lift up on our behalf.
~Angela

"even 3-4!"

2009-05-28T14:46:00.000-07:00

Annagail (age 2) was scribbling on white paper with some crayons while I was doing some admin things for AWANA a few minutes ago. She said, "Look Mama!", showing me her scribbles with that precious toddler pride.

"Oh my Annagail!" I said, as I held up her multi-colored swirls and scribbles, "That is Beeeeeautiful! Did you do that all by yourself?"

Her shoulders went up to her ears and her chest puffed out a little and she said, "uh-huh".

"Oh it is just so pretty! You are SUCH a great colorer (yes, that is what I said. Mommies get to make up words). Who made you to be such a wonderful colorer?" I asked.

"Ummmmmm. God." she answered.

Hugging her now I replied,"Yes He did baby. Do you know how MUCH God loves you?!?!?!?!"

She pulled away from me and whipped around to look me right in the eye. Her eyes got perfectly round and tipped over her nose as if she knew I would be SHOCKED at the number she was about to tell me. She held up five chubby little fingers and said, "Even 3,4 Mama!"

"3,4?!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!" I said and she shook her head yes and said, "uh-huh. I know" and went about starting anew masterpiece.

Blessed.

2009-05-27T08:45:00.000-07:00

Last week's graduation festivities were a wonderful time for our family. This was taken at the reception on Thursday night.

Friday morning was graduation. Mere words cannot express the amount of pride that I have for my husband. Some of you are probably getting sick of hearing me say it, but it is true.

Having a moment with Cooper after the ceremony.

I can't stop thinking about the many life lessons that my children have learned over the last four years about stamina, strength, priorities, and God's provision.

I did pretty well when Nathan walked across the stage to accept his diploma- until I looked over at his Mom and she was in tears. I imagine that she has an entirely different, although equally as significant, type of pride about this accomplishment. I pray that Nathan's lessons to our kids about toughing it out when the task seems daunting will help insure that

I will feel that same pride one day.

Often, the Lord sends the Holy Spirit to us to provide us with comfort and peace. Sometimes, he sends friendships with common thread and common hearts that comfort you in much the same way. I am blessed to have been given friends like that on this journey

(even with my eyes closed, LOL!)

We had a great graduation party on Saturday and a busy Sunday of service and worship. Sunday night Graycen became ill and ended up staying home Tuesday also. Tuesday also brought an unexpected invitation to Nathan to go visit a church that has been speaking with him regarding an open position on their staff. We quickly got him packed and ready to head out early this a.m. for a six hour drive. In doing so, it was hard not to think about all the unknowns and possible BIG changes in our future. I got good advice to push those thoughts aside until more concrete information was decided. This morning, we kissed Nathan goodbye and have been lifting prayers for his safety, his clear vision, and that the Lord would guide him ever since.

Imagine how my heart jumped out of my chest a little while ago when I answered the knock at the door to find these...

Isn't he dreamy? ;o)

This is it!

2009-05-16T21:55:00.000-07:00

This is the week! Nathan graduates on Friday!!!!!(Tears welling up just thinking about it!!!)

Whew! I don't even KNOW where to begin to update on us. We have continued to be held in this state of...grace. God has blessed us with 3 months of unemployment. Yep, that is what I said. Nathan has been out of work for just a few days over three months and we have been FINE- WONDERFUL even. We have been living off of his severance pay (60% of our normal budget) and we haven't had to borrow, beg, or even pay a single bill late. We have had time to get work done that needed doing. We have had time to gut-check some practices we had gotten out of practice on regarding our kiddos. Nathan has been lunch parent once a week every week in Graycen's class since his lay off and he and I have been able to be chaperones for TWO of Graycen's class field trips.

Nathan has sent out, I don't KNOW how many, resumes and most have gotten a favorable response. As it stands right now, he has four churches that have narrowed down candidates to less than 8 and he is still being considered and he has one part-time position here locally that we should hear something about fairly soon. We couldn't be happier with the affirmation we feel from the Lord regarding our decision to step out and step into full-time ministry work now. A few of these positions are looking to have people on campus by the end of June or July, so we COULD be moving in another month. As crazy as that sounds to read out loud, we are ready to get going in this next part of our journey.

It is late and I have a full day of worship and service tomorrow, so I will write more about the week's festivites later. Now I just have to figure out what to wear?!?!?!?!?

A Quick Update and some IMPORTANT info

2009-04-21T11:14:00.000-07:00

Hello friends!(I know this is long, but you need to read at least the last part of this!)

I have been very busy, so I have been very ABSENT from the blogging world. I apologize. I am still busy today and Graycen needs to be picked up in a few minutes, but I have some info that I couldn't SLEEP tonight without getting out here for you.

First, life has been wonderful. Nathan and I have found new peace in an area of our life that has been burdensome for many years. Can I just tell you how grateful I am for Godly leadership of my family? This issue has been one that Nathan and I have spent MANY times on our knees about. Honestly, it is a situation that Nathan and I have earnestly prayed would go the complete opposite way of how it has ended up, but now know that, although our efforts were righteous in motive, they were misplaced. We are praising the Lord for his clear wisdom and guidance through this.

Secondly, our trip to Disney was WONDERFUL. The Lord truly blessed us with this vacation. Every step of the way was paved for us and we were blessed with fellowship for our family that was a long time coming. To the smallest detail, we enjoyed ourselves to the FULLEST. One of the best parts of the trip was knowing that we had paid for the trip, in full & including our food, before we even started packing. I hope that the Lord makes a way for us to do that again before our children are grown. Even Annagail had a blast and has been saying, "Mickey!" in her SLEEP!LOL!

Now for some serious information:

if you are a voting citizen, you need to be aware of some things that are going down. The MOST important is Obama's nominee for the Secretary of Health, Kathryn Sebelius (pronounced Seh-bill-ee-us). She should scare even the MOST liberal of voters. She is pro-abortion to the point the Dr. George Tiller, a physician that is infamous for performing late THIRD TERM abortions, is a large financial supporter of hers. For me, late THIRD TERM abortions don't even fall into the same category as those most abortion advocates support. There is no question of defining whether there is life at that point. There is no question of whether or not that baby is a child. People who murder women carrying children that late in gestation can be found guilty of killing both the mother and the child, so why this Dr is still free to live outside of prison AND continue to practice medicine is beyond me. It turns my stomach. The fact that the person nominated to chair our nation's Health care decisions accepted large sums of moneys from him (of which she lowballed the total in front of the finance committee at the April 2nd hearing)is terrifying!

Another issue is the possible revocation of the Hyde-Weldon Amendment. This amendment protects physicians' right to refuse to perform abortions or any other anti-life procedure. These amendments have been around for a long time, but come up for review on an annual basis. With Obama's vocal support of abortion, it is hard not to see that these amendments are in danger and at risk this year. Polls have been taken regarding these issues and, of the self-proclaiming pro-life physicians polled, 95% claimed that they would leave medicine before they would allow themselves to be forced to compromise their values and their conscience. Again, this is an issue that even liberals should be able to get behind. Regardless of your view of life, physicians should be protected from doing things that violate their own moral fiber.

YOU NEED TO CALL YOU ELECTED OFFICIALS AND MAKE YOUR VOICE HEARD. If we, who recognize the God-ordained value of life, do not call these officials then we will continue to hear on the news that "Pro-life voters make up a small number of the actual votes." YOU know that isn't true, but unless you are actually calling and telling the officials how you expect them to vote on your behalf, then they are correct!

Go to http://www.citizenlink.org/ and click on the Action Center (located under the citizenlink tab). From there, you can enter your zip code and get the numbers to your elected officials. They even provide talking points to help you speak concisely and effectively.

I hope that I can find some time in the next few days to share ALL of what has been going on around here. Suffice to say that God is good and His mercies are shining on us in abundance.

God bless you, friend.

Precious Giveaway @ Petite Elephant

2009-04-01T06:55:00.000-07:00

She is giving away a precious set of Vintage Map Wooden Blocks (perfect for Nathan's bookshelf in our living room, ehem!) and a sweet La La Love YOU! poster (for my kiddos' hallway)

Click on over and figure out where you would put these sweet things and maybe you will win them!!!

Things that make you go Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh....

2009-03-27T16:32:00.000-07:00

This post is dedicated to ALL the things that make me happy:

It makes me happy...

...to be married to Nathan and that our relationship is one of those you read about and wonder if they really exist.

...to have been given the blessing and the reward for obedience in my life by becoming a Mama, five times over :o)

...hearing my kids playing make believe when they don't know I am listening.

...hearing my 2 yr old old pray, "God. Food. Love You. Ahhhmeeee-in."

...having my "chores" done, so that I can sit with my feet up and a hot cup of tea.

...waking up to a clean kitchen.

...going to the gym and working out hard. Then coming home, showering & shaving, and getting into clean sheets on my bed to go nighty-night.

...hearing Nathan reading his nightly few paragraphs of Pilgrim's Progress to the kids (right now, LOVE hearing this.)

...that nobody can snatch away the love I feel from the Lord. No evil thing, whether person or principality, can ever take THAT from me.

...that when my heart is low from struggle, the Lord puts a worship song that I haven't sung in a longtime in my mouth and compells me to SING.

...knowing that Graycen's name is written in the Lamb's Book of Life and she will never know death.

...knowing that MaryEvelyn is her own person and not just a follower, that she is seeking the Lord and desires to know more about Him.

...seeing Annagail twirl her hair around her finger when she is sleepy.

...hearing Ella begin singing in her bed in the morning before she even opens her eyes.

...seeing Cooper play with all of his (and all his Daddy's old) hot wheels.

...watching Annagail perk up with concern over hearing a baby crying somewhere and then watching her begin to pat her chest and make a "sh,sh,sh" sound out of familiarity.

...having authentic friends that say what is on their mind or heart in love. Man, if you don't have this one you gotta get you some of THESE kind of friends. There is no guessing, no muss, no fuss, just real fellowship between sisters-in-Christ.

...to have chocolate in the house.

I feel like I should in with,

"theese are a fewwwwww of my FAV-orite things!" in my strongest Nunn-turned-nanny voice. Heehee.

My new favorite cooking music:

2009-03-27T10:12:00.001-07:00

Nathan got a wonderful CD for Christmas from my Mom. It is one that has found an almost permanent home in my kitchen CD player for the last several weeks.

Brandon Heath, Don't Get Comfortable

A particular favorite is You Decide

In the end, we can all only be responsible for our own actions. You decide. Will your legacy be of love or spite? You decide. Will your Father in Heaven find you blameless or will that one issue keep creeping into your testimony before Him? You decide. Will you always wear two (or more) faces that change depending on who you are looking at or will you own who you are and be authentic and honest to everyone? You decide.

Not everybody gets it right.

Sink or swim?

You decide.

2009-03-25T20:35:00.000-07:00

****Update on my Aunt: She suffered a stroke on Thursday night and they didn't expect her to live through the night. The Dr expected her brain activity to decline as the night went on. It didn't. Sometime during the night, she sat up and tried to talk. She couldn't and that frustrated her, which was a very good sign. Since then, she has been eating, talking, even getting up (with the help of a wheelchair). The Drs have decided that she had a hemorrhagic stroke. She is ALIVE and we are praising the Lord for that. She has lost most her short term memory function and it isn't expected to return. She remembers my Uncle, but she is struggling with others. She is froma large Korean family and, according to my Mother, she can't speak Korean any more. The mind is a complex thing and she has suffered what is thought to be permanent damage. The bleed hasn't grown and they are trying to force the blood pool to reabsorbed into her body. We are rejoicing over the great news of her life and continuing to pray for them as they adjust to this path in their life. She is 54 and my Uncle is 77. She has always taken very good care of him and I just pray that the Lord will ease them into their new life on such different terms.

This is a song that the kids and I dance to often in my kitchen. I love Superchick and I love the lyrics to this song. ENJOY!!!

UPDATE on US and and URGENT Prayer Need!

2009-03-19T16:43:00.000-07:00

****Most Importantly, please pray for my great Aunt Okhi. She suffered a brain hemorrhage and is in ICU back in GA. I am waiting for update from my Mom, but it really doesn't sound very good at all. My Uncle Junior (her husband) is in his mid-70's and is keeping vigil in the ICU waiting room, only about to see her 10 minute every hour. Please remember both of them in your prayers.****

Aaaaahhh, it is good to be back. Life has been busy here, so I haven't had time to post. Do you find that life is busier when you have your husband home for an extended period of time? I do. We get A LOT done, so it seems busier anyway. I have several posts that have been brewing in my mind. I will post those over the next week. For now, I thought I would update you on how things are going.

Nathan has been out of work for over a month now. You would think that I would be fretting, but I am not. We have had so much to do that I haven't had time to fret. Money is tight, but that isn't news to anyone right? We have learned to live on 60% of what Nathan was making. Honestly, I consider that an accomplishment instead of a burden. The less we can get by on, the less we need to bring home when God sends us out. That is a blessing. I have learned (very quickly) to buy groceries on less than $75 a week. Before your jaw drops because that seems like a lot, remember that we have seven people eating here. All but one of my babes are up to normal portions, so it is really like 6 adults and 1 child eating. We aren't doing a lot of fancy meals, but we are eating good, nutritional, home-cooked meals. We have cut our utility bills down by using less or opting for basic. I am not spending my days driving all over town and we are being more purposeful in our gas usage for the car. It is amazing the ways you can cut back when you apply your mind to you tasks.

I realized a little while ago that we hadn't bought clothes for our children in over a YEAR! Don't worry. They are clothed. We have just been blessed with hand-me-downs that have met ALL of our needs. The week after Nathan lost his job, I noticed that MaryEvelyn's tennis shoes were wearing thin. We were going to go and buy her some, but guess what showed up in a bag from one of Nathan's former co-workers that afternoon? Yep, the perfect size and perfect style for my little free-bird, MaryEvelyn. Can I just share with you how grateful I am for all of this. This isn't the first time this has happened. Seriously, we have had this type of thing happen EVERY TIME we have noticed need come up in the way of shoes or clothing for a solid YEAR or MORE. I am constantly reminded of Matthew 6:26:

"Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? (ESV)

God has called us here. He has laid this path for us. He is providing even the clothes for my little ones as they need them.

Some may (I know that some DO) look at our life and think that our children suffer, because our wealth and our possessions are so few. However, if you talk to my children, they wouldn't have a CLUE what you would be speaking about. They are completely clueless to the world of material trappings. Even Graycen, at eight years old, has no idea what name brands are and I honestly believe they are better for it. There aren't hang-ups there. They don't have worry about finances. They know they are loved. They SEE love displayed. They feel love for others. For that, I honestly think they believe themselves to be among the "RICH". My prayer is that we can continue to nurture that in them and that, as they grow older, we will be able to continue to deflect any pressure to "keep up" with anyone. That is a futile effort that brings hollow reward and hefty debt. The land of DEBT is a place that I am BLESSED have been free of for a LONG time now and there are no fancy duds out there that are worth going back!

(Nathan with the kids in February after they presented him with the used bike they earned for his birthday. They hung "moving sale" signs all over for some missionary friends that were headed over seas.)

In other news, Nathan has continued to send out resumes. We know this process is long. We are eager to hear where the Lord is leading us, but we are enjoying the wait and praying for ALL of these places that we have sent resumes to. God will provide. Until then, we are loving our time together and spending a lot of time getting back to the simple fact of us. Our love has grown in these last ten years and it is MUCH stronger than ever. It is nice to have this time together to work side by side on projects, to laugh at each other's stupid jokes, and to just grow closer as we lean on the Lord together.

As always, we appreciate your prayers and can't wait to share the NEXT step of our journey with you!

Looking back

2009-02-25T05:25:00.001-08:00

At the turn of the new year, I posted about my desire to NOT have a resolution for 2009. I want to be emptied of me completely. I tried to convey then, my reasoning in that I am afraid that even too much self-evaluation, too much "What do I need to change?" can come from a pit of selfishness that I need to avoid.

I found this quote on a bloggy-friend Abby's post this morning and it conveys EXACTLY where my heart is.

“The man who has faith is the man who is no longer looking at himself, and no longer looking to himself. He no longer looks at anything he once was. He does not look at what he is now. He does not [even] look at what he hopes to be as the result of his own efforts. He looks entirely to the Lord Jesus Christ and His finished work, and he rests on that alone. He has ceased to say, ‘Ah yes, I have committed terrible sins but I have done this and that…’ He stops saying that. If he goes on saying that, he has not got faith… Faith speaks in an entirely different manner and makes a man say, ‘Yes, I have sinned grievously, I have lived a life of sin… yet I know that I am a child of God because I am not resting on any righteousness of my own; my righteousness is in Jesus Christ, and God has put that to my account.’”

- D. M. Lloyd-Jones, quoted by Timothy Keller in The Message of Romans (Redeemer Presbyterian Church, 2003), 59.

Off to the gym now! Happy Wednesday!

Round and round and round we go!

2009-02-23T07:53:00.000-08:00

Where we will stop, only HE knows!!!

Nathan and I LOVE,LOVE, LOVE living here in Wake Forest. It is a beautiful, sweet town with all the charm of small town living. Only a few minutes drive away is the "big city" of Raleigh, which to us is the perfect "big city"-all the bells and whistles, but not nearly as much congestion and headache.

We also know that, this area is SATURATED with people looking for ministry positions. I think both of us feel like we will probably be leaving W.F. to serve somewhere else. We would be OVER-THE-MOON to stay put, but we are being practical and preparing our hearts for going. It is exciting, but so, so SAD at the same time. No matter how mature, ready, stable, (fill in the blank with any adjective to describe and ADULT) that I THOUGHT I was in GA, I know that I didn't begin growing at all until we came here. It was the perfect soil we needed to be planted in to flourish. It is hard to think of leaving somewhere that has brought about so much GOOD change in your life. Hoenstly, I think it will be harder than when we moved here from GA. This feels like our home.

On the flip side, if we can't stay here, we are WIDE OPEN to go wherever the Lord sees fit. That is a thrilling thought to me. Once I get past the idea of having to leave here, it gives me goose bumps to think that the WORLD is full of places that could be our next "great soil" for the Lord's planting.

Nathan's resume will go out this week in response to posted openings. So far, he is sending them to places in TX, LA, NE, AR, AL, GA, and SC. Isn't that exciting?!?!?!?!?! I am praying that I can stay "cool" during this process. I am learning (through seeing all of our sebts friends)that this process can take months, so I can't be anxious or too zealous in this. We want the position to be the RIGHT position at the RIGHT church at the RIGHT time. (RIGHT=God's PERFECT Will). This will work out exactly how it is supposed to work out. We just have to be content to know what we will know whenever we know it.

Along the way, I hope to get more little love notes from the Lord like the one we got this morning. This morning we received the schedule for Nathan's severance checks. Nathan's last check will come on his graduation day. Now, if that doesn't tingle your spine...

Get Ready! Get Set! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Where, oh, where, oh where is Angela?

2009-02-19T16:39:00.000-08:00

I stopped by briefly before to explain that I was ever-so-busy in Wifemamaland. still am. However, Nathan is in bed and the kids are tucked neatly into class (or something like that), so I am taking a quick train to Peaceandquietown for a few minutes.

Whaaaaaaaazuuuuup? Nathan was laid off last Tuesday. (Okay, so maybe I got off that train a little early and ended up in Abruptland!) It was a complete shocker, not that any of us should get too comfy in our paying jobs in this economy, but we really had no idea this was coming. They hired Nathan just over tow months ago for his strong experience, without even an open position. We just had no indication of a major lay-off happening this soon. Right now, you may find yourself asking, "What are you going to do with five children and no j-o-b?!?!?!" I asked myself that for a few minutes also. Then I contacted some great ladies and within 5 short minutes, had my answer. Within five minutes of sending a "help me, I need to be strong and I don't feel strong"- S.O.S, I was flooded with scripture that answered all of my fears and angst. Before Nathan walked through the door, I was controlled and ready to talk about our future and the steps we now needed to take without flooding him with emotion or fear. You see, the same God who had been sovereign over our lives when Nathan left to go to work on Tuesday morning, was still in control as he drove home Tuesday evening without a job.

The Lord provided some severance for us and Nathan is getting a head start on sending out ministry applications and resumes. With Nathan graduating in May, we were planning on looking into open positions then anyway. Part of me thinks that this was the Lord's way of closing the door on our "easy way out" and making it abundantly clear that Nathan was called to full-time ministry. The Lord has closed this door for a reason and we are working towards finding the new chapter of our life that He has written.

Until then, we are praying for wisdom, for strength, and for peace during this time of searching. Nathan and I have enjoyed a great week together, checking things off of our ever-growing to-do list. For Nathan, I am specifically praying for the Lord to keep him safe and to keep him protected. This is a time when the world's view of what our family "needs" could easily distract him (or any Husband/Daddy) from what he is called to do for the Lord. I am also praying for the place where we are headed-that they are kind, God-loving, Bible-living people that will love my family and accept us into their family with open arms.

As scary as this all may sound, I am REALLY excited. Having moved here four years ago and GROWN through all we have gone through, it is a blessing to know that the Lord is leading us to the next step in His plan for us. There are fears that creep in. I am not a robot. Overwhelmingly though, I am FILLED with joy knowing that God has us right where He wants us and that He is preparing a way for us.

Blessings to you tonight.

One more thing, please pray for my friend "Belle". Her story isn't mine to share, but her heart is broken tonight. She has been on my mind and I am praying that the Lord is with her tonight. If her name pops into your mind over the next few weeks, please lift her up before the throne.

Busy in Wifemamaland.

2009-02-14T17:31:00.000-08:00

Sorry friends. I have been busy adventuring through Wifemamaland. I am still very busy there actually. Lots of BIG changes have come "down the pipe" for us over the last couple of weeks. (NO, I am not pregnant!) I can't really share too much, except to encourage you that God is caring for us, as always. We always know that He is, but it is in those times when His hand is all, but physically holding you, that you really appreciate the gravity of it.

I will leave you with this song. It is SUCH a wonderful reminder of how wrong-minded it is for us to think that Christ's blood promises us a life without pain or struggle. "The promise was: when everything fell, we'd be held" Praising the Lord for that hand that holds us.

Talk to you soon!! Wifemamaland calls!

2009-01-26T08:58:00.000-08:00

Will take a moment and please lift a prayer for my Graycie-girl? Today is her birthday. As is the custom on birthdays, Nathan and I set the alarm a little early, so that he could sneak in and scoop up the birthday girl into our bed for the rest of her sleep time. We got up after that and I got her special request breakfast cooking. Today wasn't our usual laid-back birthday, because Graycen has school now, so we had to keep moving. She still had all the "specials" that we usually do on birthdays and she will have the rest this evening. All that to say, we were focusing on her and making sure she knew that today as her's to celebrate.

Somewhere in the middle of the early morning, she started asking me for a bookmark. I still a bunch to do on my list, so I quickly tore off a sheet of paper and handed it to her. Once we had eaten and were in the car for carpool line, I noticed that she was reading her Bible in the car and that torn piece of paper was holding her place. I asked her what she was reading and she explained that today she was going to TALK to _______ (her friend that she has been praying for). Te way she said the word TALK made me think something was up, so I asked a few more questions. Here is our conversation:

Me: What do you mean "TALK"? Don't you talk to her everyday?

Graycen: I do. Yesterday I found a story in my Bible that I want to tell her about. I keep feeling like I NEED to tell her about it.

Me: Really? Do you mind if I ask which story it is?

Graycen: Yep, it is the story of the woman who reached to touch Jesus' robe and was healed. Then Jesus told her that it was her faith that had made her healed.

Me: Oh yeah. That is a good story. Why do you think you need to tell that particular story to _______?

Graycen: I don't know. I just want to read it to her. I want to tell her that, just like this woman, if she believes in HIM and has God in her heart, HE can do ANYTHING in her life.

Me: Sob,sob,sob,sob carpool line at a halt .

I love hearing her heart overflow and I was convicted this morning of how many opportunities I miss to just tell a story of Jesus to so many people.

Before Graycen got out of the car, I explained to her how proud I was of her for thinking of this sweet girl, even on this day when we are all so focused on her. I told her that the Lord was probably overflowing with joy also and that even if she NEVER hears or sees this little girl come to know the Lord, she is making a HUGE difference in her heart.

I really feel like it is time for me to call this little girl's parents and invite them to church with us. If you think of it, or if you have a free minute, please pray for my Graycie-girl. I pray that she will speak boldly and that the Lord has softened this girl's heart for her words. I join Graycen in praying for this little girl's heart to long for Him.

While you are at it, say a prayer for me. When the Lord makes the way and send my little girl off to a far corner of the country or the world, I want to be ready. I want to willingly help her to pack and to send her in confidence that she is His and following His call. As hard as it is for me to envision her headed out on that kind of journey on this, her eighth birthday, it is becoming increasingly clear that he heart is for the lost of this world-to help them hear, see, FEEL the presence of Her Father. Although at times, the thought scares me to death, I am praying that she GROWS in that desire and that my Lord will use her in a MIGHTY way for His Kingdom and Glory!!!

Happy Birthday Graycie-girl! Daddy and I could not be prouder of you and the young lady you are becoming right before our eyes. From you, I learn courage to speak boldly about my Lord. From you, I learn consistency in lifting up the people in my life that need the love of the Father. I am blessed every day just by being YOUR Mama and I look to our days ahead with a mix of emotion--some fear, because I know that often those that make His work their life have many struggles and obstacles, but I look ahead with mostly JOY because I know that you will be a faithful servant and a diligent soldier for our Lord. I love you. I love you. I love you. Happy Birthday!!!!!

Affirmation

2009-01-19T18:08:00.000-08:00

Since we put Graycen into school, I have sometimes wondered if it was the right decision. Mostly, I am sure it is. However, as a Mom who does believe in most of the benefits that come with homeschooling, I have missed that time with her. As I listened to the kids say their prayers tonight, I received some affirmation of our decision.

I have shared with you that Graycen has a particular classmate that always weighs heavy on her heart. She prays every night (I am not kidding you, EVERY night) for this sweet girl to come to know the Lord. Tonight, she started through a list that it seemed she had been holding in her mind for a few days.

Of course she prayed for the one girl, but then she prayed for another girl who "can't go to church anymore, because her parents don't go" and another boy who "doesn't have a Bible". She rattled off three or four more names and had very specific prayers she was lifting for them. Now tell me, how is a Mama supposed to listen to those prayers WITHOUT tearing up and running to pick her up and swing her around and tell her how proud her Daddy & I are of her and how proud her HEAVENLY Father is of her?!?!?! I didn't though, I let her finish. Then I cried through my turn to pray and I just openly thanked God for my ears. I did! I thanked him for the ability to hear those sweet prayers.

Graycen's prayers reminded me of how perfect God's plan is for her, even though I have NO IDEA what it holds. The reality is that she may indeed, one day, pick up some misinformation that I would rather her not have known. She will probably be influenced, at some point, by someone I would rather her NOT have even KNOWN. Those facts are very, very true. As much as they scare me, I take GREAT COMFORT in knowing that they may very well be what HE has planned for her. How can I argue with that? He is showing me that He has also put her in a position to plead on he behalf of these other little souls. He saved her own little life a few years ago and He has put her in this class for a reason.

I still hold hope that homeschooling may one day be our reality again, but for now (and until something changes) I am resting in the comfort of knowing that He is watching out for her and listening faithfully to her prayers. I have full confidence that she, in her own little way, is making big waves in the hearts of some of those kids in her class. For now, she is most perfect placed in His will. Even though it isn't what I ever envisioned for her, I am sure it was exactly what He envisioned for her. That is PEACE THAT PASSES UNDERSTANDING in a Mama's heart! As hard as it is to do at times, seeing Him at work in her heart, makes it just a little bit easier for me to step out of the way for a moment, so that HIS glory can shine through her.

**On a side note: We shared the news of Erin's pregnancy with the kids this weekend via a scavenger hunt. They were THRILLED and tonight I listened to 3 of MY babies pray for that little one being knitted together. Again, How is a Mama supposed to get through that with dry eyes?!?!?!?!?!?!

How many kids do YOU see?!?!?!

2009-01-07T11:14:00.001-08:00

Seriously... there on the sidebar...there are FIVE children there, correct?

So WHY do I keep treating them like they are one big child, going through the same phase of life?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!? UGH! This has become a frustrating point for me and yet I STILL find myself doing it almost daily. Annagail is just about the only one who gets treated as she should for her age. Everyone gets either too much expectation or too little. Really, if it is frustrating me, imagine how much it is frustrating them!

It is so sad to me when someone treats the kids like one big mass of child, instead of loving them individually for their own specific character and talents. So, I prayed that the Lord would help me find a way to show these people how NOT to do that. Instead, or maybe just first, the Lord is showing me how often I do it myself.

I need to recognize, all the time, that my Graycen is a big girl. She is mature for her age ANYWAY, so when I bridle her unnecessarily I am stifling her bright and quickly growing spirit. When I look to Ella to do things or accomplish something that I would never have asked of a solo child at that age, I need to remember that, at four yrs old, she is still a little girl that needs her Mommy a good bit.

Ohhhhhhhh, how I wish this parenting gig was easier. Really. Is this not the hardest job in the WORLD?!?!?! Just when I think I am getting past diapers and the sleepless nights, in stomps this stage, when they are all in SUCH different stages of childhood and have a wide variety of needs/developments.

The GREAT news is that this is being brought to my attention almost every time I do it now. It is almost like a voice says, "Is that a true expectation you should have of ______?". THAT tells me that the Lord is listening to me and is answering my prayer. How can I teach anyone to treat my children individually while I am still treating them as one? It is a comfort to know that, even though I being shown my sin in this, it is the Lord who is showing me. With a coach like that, how can I complain? As hard as it is, it WILL make me a better parent.

Emptied

2009-01-01T07:21:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking, as has the WORLD these days, about resolutions. Every year, I feel the pressure to "renew" at the start of the new year. I usually come up with my own little, mostly private, list of things I "need to work on". This year, I am having a hard time with that. OH, I have LOTS that could be worked on, believe me. It isn't for lack of material. I think it is just that my desire now has changed. My perspective has been altered somehow. I read so many blogs where people are trying to change. I have even used my own space here as a sounding board for all those things/characteristics that I don't like in myself. Yet, as I thought about the goals I could set for myself this year, I kept getting a pit in my stomach. The more I thought about what I needed to change, the more I realized how self-centered I was being. Even in my desire to be more righteous, I am taking my eyes off of the Lord and giving myself power WELL out of my own control.

I want to be empty. That is what I want for this year. I want, each day, to empty myself and to be filled with that of God. I want to decrease much this year, so the HE can increase IN me and through me. Isn't this the only goal any of us, who claim the cross, should strive for each day-each year?

I have been reading 2 Corinthians 5 and I am going to memorize it over the next few weeks/months. I love where it talks about knowing that if we are at home in the body, we are away from he Lord. I want to be away from the body and at home with my Lord--to please him. (2 Cor 5:6-9) I just want to be focused each day on Christ. If THAT can be my daily focus, to be His vessel, then righteousness, peace, self-control will FLOOD over me, because they come from Him alone; not by my works and not by my power, but from Christ alone.

This new year promises so many GREAT events in my life. From Nathan's graduation from college to the birth of an already much-loved, much-prayed for child (to my sister-from-another-Mother),we have a LOT of joy to look forward to this year. OH! Those two days alone are two days that will be among the top 10 moments in my life! I am eager to see God at work in my life this year. I am eager to feel His presence, as I did this past year. I am looking forward to thinking less of myself and looking more to the one who has already made me a new creation by His blood.

For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might
become the righteousness of God. (2 Corinthians 5:21)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

2008 In Pictures

2008-12-30T18:39:00.001-08:00

I saw this idea on my friend Sandra's blog and I thought it was a wonderful idea!

Here is what she did:

With the New Year right around the corner, this is the perfect
time for a peek through the past year of blogging.
I would love for you to join in with me!Post the first sentence (or two)
of your first blog post of each month. You
can also add a favorite picture (or two!) from each month.
SO, go get yourself a cup of tea and enjoy my 2008 Year In Review.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

JANUARY

"Okay, so Nathan and I have talked about this until, it seems, we are blue in the face. We still don't have a finalized decision about it, but these are some conclusions we have come to regarding our children's education for next year..."

Graycen's 7th & MaryEvelyn's 6th Birthday

Cooper having a sweet moment with his Gran Gran

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FEBRUARY
"Well, we have had a lot go on in the last few weeks.
The number one thing has been the stomach flu."

Valentine's Day Fun! (Taken with camera phone. Sorry)

Nathan's 35th Birthday

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MARCH

"We are home sick today from church...AGAIN.

However, this was a wonderful moment I got a peek at and had to share. "

Annagail's 1st birthday!!

Graycen was baptized Easter Morning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

APRIL

"We moved in. It rained all day and we still have an outdoor storage closet from

the old house to bring over tomorrow, but I am sitting on my couch and

I am sleeping in my bed, AND I can breathe!!! "

All seven of us went pottery painting.

Enjoying the weather at the park

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MAY

"I spent last week on the road with the kiddos."

Mother's Day 2008

Strawberry Patch-Mother's Day Weekend

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

JUNE

"At the park today, a Mom of two and I struck up a conversation."

Cooper's 5th Birthday

Father's Day 2008

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

JULY

"Yesterday was the first leg of my cRaZy MaMa SuMmEr Road Tour. "

Crazy Mama Road Trip 2008- I took the kids to GA without Nathan.

Graycen's 1st Day of School

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AUGUST

"A few funny happenings from the Murray Home..."

My 34th Birthday

My favorite "Servant" came to live with us in August.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SEPTEMBER

"As I type this (Tuesday,10:38 am), Nathan is entering a job interview.

It is his second interview with this company and the job sounds very promising. "

Nathan and I celebrated TEN years of marriage!!

Part of my anniversary gift for Nathan

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OCTOBER

"We are all going through something here. We thought it was the

stomach bug, but it looks like it might be strep."

Graycen and I had our first "tea" together!

Party On The Block: Animal Kingdom Theme

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

NOVEMBER

"Here they are! Sorry about the wait. It has been a BUSY weekend."

Curious George Scavenger Hunt in Charleston for Ella's 4th Birthday

The Day After The Presidential Election

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DECEMBER

"I know that many of you have followed my friend Casey's story. If you haven't checked in on her in a little while, even a VERY little while, GO THERE NOW! "

3rd Annual Christmas Eve Lights & Cocoa Tour Attire

Our Final Night of Advent

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WOW! I have never gone back and read like that,

but I think this will be an annual post for me.

What a journey this year has been!

From my busy home to yours:

Have a Blessed & Joyful New Year!

Details.

2008-12-28T18:20:00.000-08:00

This year I let a lot of the hustle and bustle go. It was really liberating. Some things that I let go this year, I will bring back next year. There just wasn't time or energy to put towards them. With Nathan's semester ending so close to Christmas and us all getting sick again with strep (yes, I said strep for the THIRD time this year!), it was either get EVERYTHING done OR have a spirit-filled Christmas. I chose the latter. So, no Christmas cards went out from our house this year. There was no birthday cake for Jesus, although we did sing and we did celebrate. We even waited until the day AFTER Christmas to erect our gingerbread house. Instead, we focused on Advent, my favorite Christmas tradition, and on just being together and celebrating Christ's birth. It really was a nice day for us here at home.

Today after church, we packed up a lunch and headed to the seminary campus for a little outing. We spent a few hours just walking around, letting the kids run, and taking some photos. It was great fun and we left wondering why we don't do something like that more often. It was free, fulfilling, family fun! I think the same problem comes up when we start to plan outings-DETAILS. I am certain that, when planning outings for my kids, I am getting too wrapped up in making them...SUPER, I guess and I miss out on the simple fun that we could be having right in our own backyard.

I am making it one of my new year's goals to try and spend more time thinking simply. In the meantime, enjoy some of the photos I snapped today on our outing. be sure to check out my updated kidlet pics on the sidebar also! We did those while we were out today as well.

Today's Actors' Studio Guest... ME!

2008-12-18T06:39:00.000-08:00

This morning I am finding myself in a typhoon of emotions. I have a lot going on, a lot I have already done this week, and a TON still to do. I am working really hard at NOT being overwhelmed this year, so instead of going through all of those issues with you ,I decided to do this instead. Enjoy!

James: What is your favorite word?
Angela: Grace

James: What is your least favorite word?
Angela: Deserve

James: What turns you on?
Angela: friends who don't put on heirs and don't mind that I see their floors dirty :o)

James: What turns you off?
Angela: The new trend towards pretending to be a rebel. It is just so silly and highschoolish (if that is even a word). Don't they know that if EVERYONE is doing it, it isn't really "rebelling" anymore?

James: What sound do you love?
Angela: belly laughs

James: What sound do you hate?
Angela: the alarm clock--it is not the getting up, just the sound of my alarm clock.

James: What is your favorite curse word?
Angela: Is "Dangit" a curse word?

James: What profession other than yours would you like to pursue?
Angela: Christian Recording Artist

James: What profession would you despise?
Angela: Anything that required me to work fake rebels, that like to listen to my alarm clock often, and wouldn't allow me to sing while I worked, Dangit!!!

James: What would you like God to say as you enter the Pearly Gates?
Angela: "Come on in, child- at least you got the LOVE part right!"

The Bucket List

2008-12-15T08:29:00.000-08:00

I started to this months ago and then saved it without completing it for some reason. SOm here it is in it's completion. It looks like most of what I HAVEN'T done here involves an need for an airplane, so don't hold your breath! Just kidding, one day I will do some of these things, whil others I don't ever have any intention of doing.

Items in BOLD are things that I have already done.

1. Started your own blog

2. Slept under the stars

3. Played in a band

4. Visited Hawaii

5. Watched a meteor shower

6. Given more than you can afford to charity

7. Been to Disneyland

8. Climbed a mountain

9. Held a praying mantis

10. Sang a solo

11. Bungee jumped

12. Visited Paris

13. Watched a lightning storm

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch

15. Adopted a child

16. Had food poisoning

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty

18. Grown your own vegetables

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France

20. Slept on an overnight train

21. Had a pillow fight

22. Hitch hiked

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill

24. Built a snow fort

25. Held a lamb

26. Gone skinny dipping

27. Run a Marathon

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice

29. Seen a total eclipse

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset

31. Hit a home run

32. Been on a cruise

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors

35. Seen an Amish community

36. Taught yourself a new language

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

39. Gone rock climbing

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David

41. Sung karaoke

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant

44. Visited Africa

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight

46. Been transported in an ambulance

47. Had your portrait painted (well, sketched)

48. Gone deep sea fishing

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling

52. Kissed in the rain

53. Played in the mud

54. Gone to a drive-in theater

55. Been in a movie

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business

58. Taken a martial arts class

59. Visited Russia

60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies

62. Gone whale watching

63. Got flowers for no reason

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma

65. Gone sky diving

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp

67. Bounced a check

68. Flown in a helicopter

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

71. Eaten caviar

72. Pieced a quilt

73. Stood in Times Square

74. Toured the Everglades

75. Been fired from a job

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London

77. Broken a bone

78. Been on a speeding motorcycle

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person

80. Published a book

81. Visited the Vatican

82. Bought a brand new car

83. Walked in Jerusalem

84. Had your picture in the newspaper

85. Read the entire Bible

86. Visited the White House

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating

88. Had chickenpox

89. Saved someone’s life

90. Sat on a jury

91. Met someone famous

92. Joined a book club

93. Lost a loved one

94. Had a baby

95. Seen the Alamo in person

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake

97. Been involved in a law suit

98. Owned a mobile phone

99. Been stung by a bee

100. Read an entire book in one day

It must have been a glorious night indeed.

2008-12-15T07:13:00.000-08:00

Nathan and I were talking through the words to my favorite Christmas carol yesterday. Actually, we were trying to remember all of them. It is one of those songs that people tend to make up their own words to and we were trying to think of all he CORRECT words. LOL!

While we were saying just the first chorus, the words (highlighted below) just jumped in my soul. I teared up as my mind immediately visualized their meaning.

Join me in my mind for a moment as I describe what I saw when I heard these words:

"Long lay world in sin and error pining. `Til He appreared and the soul felt it's worth."

This world before Christ's birth, pining away in all of it's sin, trying to desperately to live according to the law, and offering sacrifice after sacrifice in order to remain in fellowship with the Lord. There was ALWAYS a sin to be sacrificed for. There was always blood that needed spilling in order that the law could be kept.

Then, like fresh, cold water poured over a steaming hot and cracked earth..........................Jesus. It is hard not to raise my hands and bow my head even typing that now.

Jesus

This baby grew up and was killed for MY sin on the cross. There was no longer a need for the blood sacrifices. The sacrifice, the sentence, for MY sin was carried out. Wow. This baby, born that holy night, was intended to grow up without sin of His own, and then have HIS blood spilled for MY sin.

Humbling isn't a mighty enough word. Because THIS night happened, the cross happened and I will SEE God's glory. Because God sent THIS baby, my children may never know death. Because of THIS baby and His sacrifice, I don't have to "pine away" in my own sin and error AND I don't have to wallow in pity for sins committed against me. I can live in the FREEDOM of God's forgiveness, His mercy, and His perfect, perfect love for me.

I hope that you have, at least few, minutes set aside over the next two weeks, to meditate on what this holy night meant in terms of your life. It wasn't an accident that Christ was born. God sent Him. He sent His Son for me and He sent Him for you. Whatever your needs are right now, I pray that you will take a moment to recognize the worth of that manger and then pass by it in your mind on your way to the foot of the cross, where you can lay all of your needs and all of your sin down this Christmas Season. God bless you. Merry Christmas!

O Holy Night

O holy night, the stars are brightly shining;
It is the night of the dear Savior’s birth!
Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope, the weary soul rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees, O hear the angel voices!
O night divine, O night when Christ was born!
O night, O holy night, O night divine!

Led by the light of faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming,
Here came the wise men from Orient land.
The King of kings lay thus in lowly manger,
In all our trials born to be our Friend!
He knows our need—to our weakness is no stranger.
Behold your King; before Him lowly bend!
Behold your King; before Him lowly bend!

Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is love and His Gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother
And in His Name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy Name!
Christ is the Lord! O praise His name forever!
His pow’r and glory evermore proclaim!
His pow’r and glory evermore proclaim!

Have I reminded you lately of Superman.

2008-12-10T07:19:00.000-08:00

It's OOOOOOOOVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRR!Yeah! Another semester down and one to go for Nathan's undergrad. Allow me me just take a minute and break down for you how awesome my husband is, if you will.

Four years ago (in January), he made the decision with me (after a lot of prayer and counsel) to pack up our lovely home and our four children (at the time 4,3,1, and 7 weeks old) and move two states away from all of our family, or really ANYONE we knew. He has an AAT in photography, but was only able to transfer elective credits in upon admission. He has worked so hard to keep a healthy balance between home, school, and work. While doing this, he has kept a decent grade point average and even managed SEVERAL A's in classes along the way. There have been many nights when he has stayed up, at this kitchen table, all night long to study or complete a assignment. He started off working part-time overnight and going to school full time during the day. Then, as our family's needs have changed, he has backed off of school to either be more present at home or to work full time to earn more income for us. Half-way through the four years we have been here, we had our Annagail. He was, as always, present and active in every part of that first year--more than willing to slow down on school (to even one class per semester!!) in order that we could adjust to life with five children. This semester, we decided to step it up. He jumped back into a full load at school, even though he was working 40+ hours per week. He has had A TON of work to do, including several papers, book reviews, 2 evaluated speeches, and even memorizing an entire chapter in 2 Timothy!! Many times, I would find Nathan like this in the middle of the night:

Nathan asleep on the floor of the hallway, studying something.

I could go on and on about how blessed I am to have been chosen by this man. He has never wavered from his calling, even when it seemed impossible to face. That is a character trait that cannot be bought. I get goosebumps thinking about the testimony of strength and stamina that our kids are seeing through his life. They know that they don't have the latest and greatest _____________ (fill in the blank with shoes, toys, games,trips, whatever) that flood the airwaves. Honestly though, I don't think they care. It has been a testimony to me to see how little the "latest and greatest" matters when a child has a family that is full of love. Their Daddy is here for them, despite his hectic schedule. On that wonderful day in our future maybe, when we are standing there ready to give them away to their spouse, THAT is what they will remember. They won't have a clue what kind of shoes they wore when they were 5 yrs old or which toy they got for Christmas last year. They will remember Nathan reading through Pilgrim's Progress with them each night, last year before bedtime. They will remember that he made pancakes for them on Saturday mornings and that he always has to open a window to keep the smoke detector from going off. They will remember that he busted his hiney some days, just to ride through carpool line with us, so that he could see them for 10 minutes before he had to jet out to class. They know that, above all else and only under the Lord, we are his highest priority.

I know that I am going on and on here, but I have been really moved over the last few days to take notice of what I have been blessed with. He could have easily thrown us under the bus for his calling. He would have been wrong, but he could have done it. On the contrary, he could have thrown his calling under the bus for us. It would have been MUCH easier to stay in our little house and stay nice, comfy, & convenient. Instead, Nathan wrapped his arms around all of us and stepped right out of that boat. I would be a liar if I said that there was never a time that I worried and fretted over our decision. I probably always will at some point. That is part of MY sin. However, praise the Lord that he gave me the husband who could overcome even my fears, could listen to the Lord, and could just GO. It is one of the many things that I thank the Lord for every day. Also, we haven't always clicked our heels in unison onthe journey, but when we got off synch, we quickly back-up and fix whatever it is that isn't working. Nathan appreciates that when our bond is rocky, nothing else can move forward. That is another of many reasons that I am blessed.

So, "YEAH!!" to the end of another long semester. To the next one coming in January, I say, "Bring it!". To that graduation day that is right around the corner, well, I cannot put into words how my heart feels about THAT day. You'll have to stay tuned until May for THAT one.

You can help fund Zoe's Adoption.

2008-12-09T06:00:00.001-08:00

Zoe is the precious little one that the Lord placed in the arms of my friend Casey. It was two weeks, just TWO WEEKS, from the time Dan and Casey heard about this little girl until she was in their home, being loved on by her new and perfectly-placed parents.

As you can imagine, Dan & Casey now have some hefty costs that they weren't expecting in the way of placement fees and other adoption costs. Dan's father has established a way for us to help them with these costs. Go here and read about it. A portion of the money you pay for these great coupon books will go directly to Zoe's adoption fees.

I will be back with some posts that have been brewing later. Today is the last day of Nathan's 8th semester and (PRAISE THE LORD!) life will be a lot less hectic with tomorrow's sunrise. I have some things that have been welling up in my heart that I am ready to share.

Have a blessed day and go check out those coupon books!!

Living In "New Baby Grace"

2008-12-03T05:48:00.000-08:00

I was looking through some photos the other day that were from when a dear friend had her baby a month ago. There were all the classic delivery shots along with all of the always-touching first photos with baby. The funny thing is, for the first time since I had Annagail I found myself missing that time of life. "NO. Nope. No way!" is what I quickly thought. So I started thinking of WHAT it was that I was missing.

Seriously, I am done having babies. That is a peace that I thank God for daily. Don't get me wrong. I am not a big baby hater :). I just have been delivered safely through that time and I have not a single desire for another baby in this house. I am *loving* spending tim with my five babies and I am truly enjoying seeing Annagail grow and learning who she is. I don't enjoy being pregnant either. It is okay (I guess), but my last few pregnancies were doozies--filled with bedrest and sickness, so I am not a psycho. SO (to recap), if I am not desiring to be pregnant again and I am not in "baby fever", WHY was I getting so emotional about that time being a time of the past for us?!?!?!?!

It is the GRACE. It dawned on me yesterday that it is the GRACE that accompanies that time of life that I am missing. During the time of anticipation, delivery, and transition with a new baby, GRACE just oozes from everyone. Nobody expects perfection. Nobody expects marathon cleaning stints. There is just GRACE. The kids are given grace while they adjust to this world-rocking change. The husband is given grace while he adjusts to lack of sleep and a hormonal wife. Probably most importantly, the Mama gives herself TONS of grace in almost EVERY aspect of her life.

The question that is now nagging me for an answer is, why do I have to have a another baby to participate in my life with this type of grace. I have five children. It is tough, for them and me while we train them and they learn to be self-controlled. I have a husband who works full time and goes to school full-time. He IS tired and always having to adjust to his school schedules and assignment loads. Why am I not seizing this grace as my own and living in it?!?!?! Goodness. It is sad that this grace (in my life) is reserved for those limited times in my life. Yes, there are responsibililties to be handled and things that HAVE to get done. Yet, I do not give myself a break in most areas of my life. I want to live in that...."new baby grace" all the time, when it is okay to not be ready for company and to keep my hair in it's sleep-styled "do" on occasion. I don't want to be a slacker. I don't like clutter, but I just want it to be okay if I have a hard day and the kids go two days in a row with a carb-heavy dinner. It is okay, because life is sometimes hard. Days are sometimes longer than others and, just like those sleepless nights with a newborn, IT IS OKAY and WILL PASS.

So, do you live in grace? I am just wondering. I can beat up on myself (internally, of course) pretty hard sometimes about not "getting it all done". Am I the only one?

I LOVE My Lord!!!!!

2008-12-02T04:02:00.000-08:00

I know that many of you have followed my friend Casey's story. If you haven't checked in on her in a little while, even a VERY little while, GO THERE NOW! God has moved and it is a story that will leave you in tears and raising your hands rejoicing with this sweet family this morning!!!

I *love* my Lord.

Thankful

2008-11-26T14:39:00.000-08:00

Four years ago right now (5:39 pm on the 26th), I was still full from Thanksgiving the day before. When you are over 7 months pregnant, Turkey dinner stays with you for a while! I had spent several nights having contractions, getting into a deep tub, praying them away, and on and so on. It wasn't a fun time for me. We had decided to postpone our move to NC for a few months, because we felt led to do just that. (Somewhere around our 4th month of pregnancy, we both felt as if God was keeping us in GA until after the baby was born. ) We were so excited, because we didn't know who this little person was-son or daughter. It was the first time, in four pregnancies, we had waited to find out.

Probably, right at this moment, I was sitting on the couch while Nathan was bathing our three little ones and getting them into jammies. I would spend a little while reading to the kids from a devotional book. We would pray with them and Nathan would tuck them into their beds. AS soon as they were asleep, Nathan would go to PF Changs and get me some spring rolls and cashew chicken (Mmmmmmmmm!). When I finally carried my over-bloated self upstairs, it was almost midnight. As I aid before, we had spent the last several nights playing the should we go or not-game. On THIS night though, I distinctly remember telling Nathan, "Ya know what Nathan? I am going to sleep tonight. I am not going to sit up all night worrying about these contractions. If the Lord wants me to go to the hospital, He will make it abundantly clear to me. With that bold statement, I laid down, closed my eyes, and zonked right out.

Around four hours later, I remember dreaming that I was sitting in the rain on metal bleachers (weird I know). I kept getting up and moving, but everywhere I sat on those bleachers, it was wet. Then I woke up for a brief moment and just before I fell back asleep, I realized that I was still sitting in that wet puddle. I reached underneath myself and (PANIC!!!!!!) my water had broken!!!!! It took me just a split second to gather my thoughts and I reached across Nathan's chest and patted him to wake him. When I got him coherent enough to hear my words, he jumped up and ran out of the room. Just like that. I started to giggle and then he came back in and turned the lights on. By then, I was standing and I saw his face turn the palest shade of white I had ever seen. Where I had been laying was a good bit of blood. This is when the Holy Spirit came and just settled me. Honestly, I am a panicky person when it comes to medical things, but I completely remember feeling so peaceful and joyful about going to the hospital, which was about 45 minutes away.

By the time my in-laws got there to say with the kiddos, Nathan had packed the car and was still running around with his shirt off. He was so panicked, that his Dad asked if I should drive :o) We got to the hospital. I got set up in a room quickly (they don't wait around on a 4th time around Mama with broken water!! Hahaha). I sat through the epidural. The next few moments change my life forever in so many ways.

Two minutes after my epidural, I coughed hard and (we later learned) had a complete abruption (placenta completely tore from the uterus). My baby and I were bleeding out rapidly and Nathan didn't know if either of us were going to make it out of the O.R. , the Dr. had quickly told him that "they would do what they could." For me, it was a blur of bright lights and fuzzy vision. I heard Nathan's voice and then I was out again. I heard a baby crying and something about a daughter and then I was out again. Finally, I remember waking up in a different, darker room and I was looking straight up at the ceiling. There were 45 blankets on me and I could hear Nathan crying and trying to speak trough his tears next me. When I turned my head, I saw him standing over an isolette. There was a swaddled baby in it, but he was reaching over the baby. He had my Bible and was pointing to something in it and showing it to a nurse, who was also crying. Later, he explained that he was showing her the verse that the Lord had given him during his time, waiting for word.

When I could finally muster enough noise out of my throat to get his attention, he was immediately at my face. We cried and cried some more. He told me our baby, our Ella, was here and miraculously healthy. I couldn't move to hold her, but I could barely see her. We cried some more and I insisted that he follow her up to the nursery. When they FINALLY (after 3 hours or so) wheeled me up to the room and brought her in, I was a wreck. I held her and just sobbed. It was just strange crying. Like I was just catching up to what had transpired over the last 10 hours and all the crying I would have done if I had been conscience was coming out.

Tomorrow Ella will be four years old. It is completely unbelievable to me that she is four. She is a spunky and spirited little girl, who can't help but rock and shake her fanny to a good beat. When she is describing something to you, her eyes tell the story as much as her mouth does. She uses words like terrific, beautiful, and amazing and when she uses them, they don't seem lessened by their overuse. You can SEE what they mean to her in her expression. Nathan has always said that she is our Philippians baby, because she is just JOY. She can be a typical toddler, with her sometimes sassy attitude and rolled eyes, but it is all part of her spirit. Passionate is not a word that I would use to describe a lot of children, but I would use it for Ella. She is so passionate about everything-when she dances, when she sings, even when she just plays, she is doing it with 100% commitment and JOY. It is so fun to watch. Her smile and laugh are contagious. Believe me, it is hard to discipline those sweet cheeks sometimes :o)

The Lord used that day four years ago to teach me a lot about my heart for my husband, about my love for my children, and about others that care for us. However, the most miraculous thing He did was create for us our Ella. I can't imagine who ANY of my children would be now without having had her as a sister. I can't imagine being a Mommy without my Ella.

Once all the dust had settled in the hospital and the Dr had a chance to come by and sit with us. We learned that I had, more than likely, begun my abruption at home in our bed. His words shook us to our core when we learned that I should have died before an ambulance could have reached our house. Instead our sweet Ella, moved herself (or was moved by a Divine hand) into a position that literally held everything together until we were at the hospital.

Tomorrow we will give thanks for ALL that we are blessed with and we will, undoubtedly, recall the amazing story of Ella's birth and we will again Praise HIS Holy Name for His work that day.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, my sweet Ella-Bella-Buttercream! I love you and I cherish every minute that God has given me to be your Mama. You are our blessing.

The Haircut, The Concrete Dive, And A Glimpse Into The Life Of The Busy Mama

2008-11-20T14:01:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a BIG day for my little Ella (age 3- until Thanksgiving Day when she turns a big ole FOUR!!) She had her first "real" haircut with "Mrs. Kaffween". I have always trimmed her hair, as I have all the kids while they are little. My two oldest girls have had their hair cut by Kathleen once already and Ella was just chomping at the BIT to have hers done.

At first, she said she wanted her's cut like a Monkey. Then she changed it to a helmet. Then, after Kathleen got one side finished into the "Murray Bob", she decided she wanted the other side done "pretty like that too."

She looked ABSOLUTELY adorable! She could hardly go to bed for wanting to look at her "new hair" in the mirror. She was equally as cute this morning as she pulled her hood up over her head to "protect her new hair" as we headed out the door to take Graycen to school. Those of you that know her probably can picture her little roly-poly self, skipping down the walk with her hands in her pockets, just happy to be along for the ride.

Then, THIS happened:

While skipping along with her hands in her pockets, she tripped and dove face-first into the concrete It was AWFUL! I was sure we had lost some teeth in it, but ended up with just a ripped up, but still precious little face. I took her to Target to get some liquid bandage to put over it and attempted to put it on her in the parking lot. (By the way, if you see footage on the evening news that resembles that footage taken at the WalMart last year, I WAS trying to get the bandage on her face!!!) Needless to say, she wasn't down with me spraying anything on it, but we finally got it covered. This is from later in the afternoon, when the swelling had gone down.
** I took the pics with my phone to send to Nathan. We were trying to dermine whether or not she needed to see a Dr.***

My poor, little Ella Bella Butter cream.

On a funnier note, I found this photo on my camera phone while uploading the pics of Ella. If you have ever wondered how a busy mama of five goes to the potty on a road trip with all the kids and without her husband...

I feel like this should be posted on one of those motivational posters with the word "TEAMWORK" printed underneath it. Hahahaha!

2008-11-16T20:13:00.000-08:00

Erin at Glimpse Into the Life of the Stanfords tagged me to share fifteen things that I'm not afraid to admit. She only listed thirteen. We'll see if I can think of that many.

1. I am married to "Raymond Barone" from Everybody Loves Raymond-minus thereal jerk moments Ray has AND minus that awful mother. I will promise you that we have had many of the conversations that those characters have!!! It makes watching that show, even for the thousandth time, that much better.

2. One of my all-time favorite movies is Clash Of The Titans. Remember the one with the computer animated Medusa and the robo-"Cracken"? I just love it.

3. I don't pursue perfection."Good enough" is good enough for me.

4. I am often unrealistic when it comes to my expectations of other people. I don't pursue perfection in them either, but I often expect characteristics in people that just aren't there.

5. I don't really like to watch Extreme Home Makeover. I just can't stop the tears and I am way too sappy to need MORE reasons to cry.

6. I don't like to be present when people embarrass themselves. Even if it is someone on TV, I HAVE to change the channel or leave the room. I can't stand to watch.

7. My favorite candies are hot tamales and swedish fish. I could (and HAVE) made myself sick on those little boogers.

8. I don't keep Tupperware or any food storage container that is left in the fridge too long. "If in doubt, throw it out" is a motto I use that drives my hubby insane :o)

9. I love, love, love being at home for Christmas with my "little" family. It is such a sweet time of fellowship just for us. I *love* that we stay in jammies all day and take our own sweet time opening gifts. The kids are free to stop and play with whatever they want and there is no, "Ok, we'll play with that (great, fanastic toy that you want so badly to open and explore) later." It is a great tradition that I am thankful the Lord led us to years ago.

10. I am terrified of the dentist, as evidenced by the throbbing pain in my tooth that I have had for the last couple of weeks from a root-canal-gone bad in 2006, that then turned into temporary cap that fell out a month ago. Follow?

11. I want very badly to be THAT child of God. I want to long for nothing more than Him and to be satisfied, even joyful, about those things in my life that cause me pain-staking growth. However, I am not THAT child......................yet.

12. I enjoy serving my friends. I know that sounds like a brag or even a LIE, but I really do enjoy serving others. It brings ME so much happiness to make a meal for someone that needs it, that I have wondered if it is indeed a selfish indulgence. I *love* it.

13. I miss my Dad. After 34 years of trying and over 3 years of not seeing him or knowing him at all, I still wake up each day secretly hoping this will be the day that he finds knowing me & my kiddos worthy of good change in his life.

14. I *hate* Barney. I mean to say that I really despise that purple dinosaur. It isn't a religious thing. I just do not like him. I managed to keep him out of the house through the first 6 years of being a parent, but we had cable then. Now, with only limited kids' programming, Barney makes an appearance twice a week (that is all I can take!!!). I still don't like him though.

15. I like peanut butter & syrup on my waffles. Yum-O!

I would like to tag:

Nathan
Kathleen
Cheryl
Dawn
Paige
& Casey

On my way to check my bloglines and then let you all know!!!

8th Verse, Same As The First...(and 2nd, and 3rd, and you get it)

2008-11-10T10:26:00.000-08:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, Friends and foes alike,

We have reached that part of the semester that we have come to know as "the trenches". In the restaurant industry, they call it "the weeds". Nathan's school load is at a peak. With school and work, his stress is high. I am supporting him any way can, which sometimes involves just staying up WITH him to make sure HE doesn't fall asleep instead of write his paper, or book review, or curriculum assignment or (fill in the blank). Therefore, I am tired and under stress as well. The kids feel it and they seem a little more...stressed, I guess. It is an acute time in our life, but OH how I can't wait for it to be over!!!

This is the part of the semester that we always try and think about before we say "yes" to service opportunities and commitments outside of the home. In a non-trench time, all of our service and ministry opportunities seem easily achieved. We try (before we commit) to imagine how they will be now, during times when we are already pressed. So, here we are being pressed and serving, and trying to do it with the correct heart-attitude. Being pressed does make serving difficult. Impossible? No. VERY DIFFICULT, yes ma'am! The question I always get asked is why? Why do we teach? Why do we serve in AWANAS? The answer is very simple...

EASY AIN'T A PROMISE!!!! (said with all the love I can muster this morning).

Today, I am tired from AWANAS last night and then staying up to work on crafts for our church's ladies' outreach this weekend. I absolutely DID NOT want to stay up until 2 am to wake Nathan, so that he could get some sleep before burning the midnight oil on a deadline. Never did I think that we would sleep in our bed in shifts. That one NEVER even entered my radar until this semester. These days, it is common.

I am looking forward to being able to post this again. There is joy in the morning friends. The last day of classes this semester is December 8th! It is so close that the release of burden starts to creep into my heart like the sunlight creeps in through that slit that never seems to close in your bedroom curtains. We are pressed right now. We have a lot on us. The past two weeks, in particular, have been heavy laden for me. I am ready to put them down and breathe easy for a few weeks. Nathan's next semester promises to be just as tough as this one, but at the end of it will be a day that we have (until now) thought of in the same way some think of unicorns. He will get his undergrad at the end of this next semester and I know that we will feel SUCH a release! Whew! (I just literally yelped!) It makes me want to push through the weeds even harder now! I know that his education will immediately continue into his graduate work, but OH what a day that will be!!!!!!

So, here I am again friends--asking for your sweet prayers for our family. I am getting over the pride that tells me I ask too much. We need them ALL right now :o) We are pressed. We are weary in our well-doing right now. Last night, after I got the kids to bed (with an elevated tone and a frustrated spirit) I found myself sitting in my chair and just crying. I was so tired and so undone. I ended up spending time curled up with each of them in their beds, just hugging them and reminding them of how much I love them. They were so tired that they had already gone to sleep, but it didn't matter. Just like the 7 before it, we will get through this semester. I thank you for your prayers. The good thing about the weeds is that, as hard as they are to drudge through, you learn to appreciate open fields even more!!

Thank you Lord.

2008-11-05T19:26:00.001-08:00

This morning looked and felt a lot like this when I woke up this morning and started on the route to Graycen's school...

Then, as I drove home, I started noticing the colors in the trees. They were just gorgeous! As the morning went on, it seemed that the leaves on the trees were lit from the inside. They were shining even through the grim, gray day that the weather had brought in.

I had some errunds to run, but I ran home and grabbed my little Mama-point-n-shoot. I just couldn't pass up these colors. Not today. Here is what I found as I ran my errunds and drove around town today.

I think that the Lord sent us a little message through these colors today.

He is with us even now.

A butterfly, a ladybug, a monkey, a frog, and a grouper walk into a church. Have you heard this one?

2008-11-02T19:11:00.001-08:00

Here they are! Sorry about the wait. It has been a BUSY weekend. Feel free to refer to this post to find out what in the world I am talking about here :o)

Our froggy:

Our monkey:

Our ladybug:

Our peacock butterfly:

And last, but not least, our grouper:

We had a great time with our friends and family (inlaws in town, YEAH!). The kids just *love* playing the games and it is always so much fun to see how everyone shows up. On the way home, the kids decided on the theme for next year . They came up with it themselves and it promises to be HYSERICAL, but it is under lock and key. There are SPIES among us!

Hee Hee Hee.

Make a note to check back on 11/01/09. Can you even WAIT that long?!?!?!?1

fel·low·ship

2008-10-23T17:52:00.000-07:00

fel·low·ship : The companionship of individuals in a congenial atmosphere and on equal terms.

I enjoyed SUCH blessed fellowship last night. My MOPS' discussion group (5 of us form the group anyway) met for coffee and dessert. It was a blessed event for me.

Nathan came home from work and told me to do whatever I wanted-he would be cooking dinner, so I could my night was free to do whatever I wanted. I decided to retreat to our room and use the entire 2 hours, slowly getting ready to meet my friends. It was so nice to take a shower with only the amount of hot water in our water heater as my deadline. It has been so chilly out, that it just felt wonderful to just STAND under the hot water with no rush at all hurrying me. I got ready a little, then I would sit and read a little. It was absolutely the BEST start to my night.

When I finally made my grand exit, I actually felt like a female. I even managed to squeeze the last few, tiny mists out of my favorite perfume that has been evaporating in the bottle for the last 6 months. I drove to the place we were meeting and I enjoyed listening to some great praise music on he way. (I love singing at he top of my lungs in the car!)

When I got to the restaurant, 3 ladies had already arrived. I love the low-lit, but very relaxed atmosphere of the place we met. By the time the last of our party arrived, we were already laughing and having a great time.

For having only known most of these ladies for a few weeks, I really had a great time of fellowship with them. We were all relaxed and pleasant. There was no precociousness or putting on of heirs. Most importantly, there was NO COMPETITION. It was just good fellowship. There was such comfort in that. We shut down the place and I didn't get home until after 11pm.

Thursdays are my hardest days as Nathan has a full day of classes and work. Today I felt very refreshed and revived from my time last night. It is amazing to me what good companionship in the Lord can do for your spirit.

Thank you, sweet friends, for being genuine and loving women of faith. I am already looking forward to next month's get together!

Is it really Monday?

2008-10-20T19:37:00.000-07:00

After getting the kids dressed, feeding them breakfast, making Graycen's lunch, taking Graycen to school, meeting Nathan at the gas station (he had my card), giving Annagail a breathing treatment, organizing the kids' rooms, loading and unloading the dishwasher, washing all the towels and a load of clothes, reading a few books to Annagail and Ella, giving Annagail another breathing treatment, cleaning the bathroom, teaching homeschool assignments on pennies and clocks, helping the kids assemble their "numbers" books and certificates, sweeping the floors, explaining to Cooper (AGAIN) that he does indeed have to learn to write more than just the letters in his own name, making lunches, clipping coupons from two papers, getting the toilet seat replaced (you don't want to know!), making a tea (for me!), sitting in carpool line, picking up my smiling Graycen, hearing the entire download of the day (my pleasure), having to give Ella a much-needed nap for continually waking up Annagail, overseeing Graycen's homework, helping Cooper write & spell the names of each of us in his family (he somehow decided that those were all letters he may need to learn also), cutting and stapling Ella's doodle pages into a "book" (she wanted to have homework too), searching for a decent chili recipe, realizing (after the fact) that it wasn't that decent and needed improvising, fixin' the chili, going out front to hide from Nathan with the kids (they love surprising him when he gets home), feeding the fam chili-spaghetti, having to send Cooper to his room for the night & have a 2-parent talk with him about his behavior. bathing the kids, giving Annagail her final treatment, saying night-night prayers & singing our goodnight song, cleaning up the kitchen, chatting with Nathan, doing a little facebookin', & looking for teaching aids for one of my lessons for Sunday, I was sitting here trying to figure out why I was so tired already on a Monday night. Then, I remembered!

Thank you, dear Lord, for the strength you have given me. You are TRULY my rock and my refuge. I could not get through the blessing that is my day without You! My cup runneth over...

Goodnight :o)
~Angela

*photo: Ella (3 yrs old) playing at the playground :o)

2008-10-18T18:46:00.000-07:00

Check out this video. It is VERY good and worth the time spent watching and listening.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpsdKUQ1nKA

Enjoy!