THIS IS HAAARRD!!!!!

THERE!! I SAID IT!!!

Seriously though, I think I have had a problem admitting that in the past. When people would look at all of my children and find out their ages and then GASP, I would comment, "It isn't as hard as you think" and "Well, we get by without a hitch!" and comments like that. After reflecting on it for awhile now, I think that somewhere inside of me I felt I HAD to do everything I could to make this look easy or people would doubt God's conviction for us to have this family. More times than not, I failed at making it look easy and then I felt SUCH guilt about it. I believe that I thought that if people thought my life was hard, they would think that God hadn't given it to me. Does that make sense? I KNOW that God gave me my life, don't get me wrong. He blessed me with each one of these healthy children and I KNOW that to be fact. It is just that every time we announced our pregnancies, more times than not, we got these looks that weren't so joyous. Most of the time, we were met with horrified looks that saddened my should-be joyful-to-overflowing heart. Sure, people cared for us and meant well. They were concerned and worried for us, but the looks and the lack of enthusiasm still hurt. So, I set out to show them (Ha, Ha right?) I would show them that this wasn't so hard and that I could do this easy as pie.

WRONG! What that did was that it had me always searching for a non-existent Golden ticket of sorts. Some miracle system or way that made this life easier. Nathan and I were always trying methods of discipline and/or organization that touted an easier, maybe less-chaotic way. Even though some were more successful than others, all in all I can tell you that there is no "Happy Meal" way to parent a large family or ANY size family for that matter. There just isn't. These systems are tools or resources that can be helpful, but it is still a hard thing to do; parenting.

So with Annagail's birth came that "ole familiar feeling" again. Except this time, I let myself ask for help. I allowed myself to accept and understand that this life that God has blessed me with is H_A_R_D. I am seeing that there is no shame in it at all. The fact that I can tell someone who asks "How do you do it?!?!" honestly with the answer, "Day by day and it is hard!" is okay. In fact, I sort of feel that it is even more of a testimony to God, because as hard as it is, we get by fine. We sleep REALLY well when we sleep and we are always blessed with a new day to do it again.

I don't think I ever tried to give the persona of perfection. That isn't me. However, I did try to make it seem as if I didn't always struggle with it. I DO! It isn't easy getting up early, after a long night of at least one child waking, and then going full speed until the kids are in bed and I pass out in my own bed. Then waking up the next morning to do it all over again. IT IS HARD! But by God's sweet and ever renewing Grace I am doing this. I have FIVE CHILDREN under the age of SIX!!! I almost can't believe it myself!!! This is hard! I am tired, but I am so very happy. My body hurts, but I am so overjoyed with my life right now. I feel so good about what God has granted me that I can admit that it is hard and STILL be an encouragement (hopefully) to someone feeling the same conviction I did years ago. Acknowledging that I what I do is very difficult and trying has freed me from pressure that I was putting myself under. It has opened up a whole other level of patience with my children that before I had bogged down with expectations that were probably unrealistic for them. I am a better teacher to my young-ins now than I was before, because I can wait for them to learn. I can let them mess up without pressure, but with truly loving correction. Does that make sense?

I took my crew to the mall today all by myself! We had a great time and nobody looked at as if they felt sorry for me! I had to stop many times and correct one of my children, but I never lost my temper and the kids did very well for their ages. On the contrary, I took the kids to church SOLO last night so that Nathan could get some studying in before his finals. It was difficult and I think a few people did look at me with pity, but oh well right? They don't know what I know. They don't know that, even though they may see chaos-they miss the hundreds of kisses and hugs I am getting in any given day. They also don't get the joy in their hearts that I get when I am driving down the road and my four older kids are signing "The Days of Elijah" at the tops of their lungs. I have so enjoyed these 7 weeks since Annagail's birth, because I feel free to be just the Mother God intended me to be them, no more and no less.

This morning, Cooper got in my lap and hugged me tight. He said, "Mama, I am having so much fun lately!" I believe that God sent that message through Cooper for a reason. That spoke so much to my heart. He is my only boy and, a lot of times, my hardest sell on any new idea. The fact that he too has enjoyed this time we have had since Annagail's birth is a blessing to this Mama's heart.

Nobody said it was going to be easy and it probably won't be. However, God's grace is new each day and, HALLELUJAH!, He will see me through.

Father God, thank You for my life! Thank you for my sweet, rambunctious, often-chaotic, often-very loud children! You are the giver of life and you have SO blessed me even though I am so unworthy. Thank you Father that even though this life is hard, You are gracious to me each new day. Thank You for the rest that You provide me when I feel that I might just give out sometimes. Thank you for the laughter You start between Nathan and I when we need that release the absolute most. And thank You Lord for the courage You provided us to follow this conviction you put on our hearts so many years ago. As hard as it has been and will continue to be, had we not listened, we would be lacking so much of Your blessings now. Each one of these children are their own joyful addition to our family. Each of them, I pray, will grow to serve You with all of their life and in their own unique ways. What a blessing that is to think on!!!! I love you Father!

Resurrection Rolls

To understand the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ this fun recipe uses crescent rolls and a disappearing marshmallow!

*Preheat Oven to 350 degrees
Ingredients: Crescent rolls, Melted butter, Large marshmallows, Cinnamon, Sugar, crescent rolls, Bible

Read Matthew 27:57-61 1.
1.Give each child a marshmallow. This represents Jesus.
2. Have him/her dip the marshmallow in melted butter. This represents the oils of embalming.
3. Now dip the buttered marshmallow in the cinnamon and sugar which represents the spices used to anoint the body.
4. Then wrap up the coated marshmallow tightly in the crescent roll (not like a typical crescent roll up, but bring the sides up and seal the marshmallow inside.) This represents the wrapping of Jesus' body after death.
5. Place in a 350 degree oven for 10-12 minutes. (The oven represents the tomb - pretend like it was three days!)
6. Let the rolls cool slightly. The children can open their rolls (cloth) and discover that Jesus is no longer there, HE IS RISEN!!!! (The marshmallow melts and the crescent roll is puffed up, but empty.)

Now read Matthew 28:5-8
Explain: At the tomb, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary saw an angel, who told them not to be afraid. No one had taken Jesus' body, but He Had risen from the dead! The angel told the women to go and tell the disciples what they had seen, that Jesus had risen from the dead. They were so excited, they ran all the way home to tell the disciples the good news! He is risen from the dead! Alleluia! After that Jesus appeared in person to Peter, then to the 12 disciples and after that, to more than 500 people. Jesus' appearance to eyewitnesses, those who saw Him with their own eyes, would give support And prove that Jesus rose from the dead (1 Corinthians 15:3-6). By rising from the dead, Jesus proved once and for all that He was the Messiah, the Savior of the World, the Chosen One, and the Lamb of God. By dying on the cross and rising from the dead, Jesus did what no other had ever done before. As both God and man, He overcame sin, death, and hell.

* This recipe was sent to me by a friend from church : ) The kids really enjoyed it and were AMAZED by the end result. The younger two especially took to it.

Homeschooling- Murray style!

We had a much less formal "school" while I was pregnant and unable to be out of the bed for very long. Now that we are getting back into the swing of things here, I am going back to the beginning of our curriculum, as a review for 1st grade for my older girls. It is really funny though and I have had to keep myself from laughing at how it would sound to someone listening in on us. Imagine teaching your 6 & 5 yr olds while your 2 & 3 yr olds are playing and you are holding your 3 week old on your shoulder. It sounds like a circus doesn't it? It sort of is.

This is how homeschooling SOUNDS in our house; or at least how it sounded THIS morning.

Mama: Okay, so we know that the sun is a star, but what is it's purpose?
Maryevelyn: It gives us light!!
Mama:That is correct! Very Good! Cooper take the rescue hero off of Ella's head please. Graycen, what else does the sun do?
Cooper: But Mama, Ella is the mountain that the rescue hero is climbing!
Graycen: It shines beeee-uuuuu-tifully in the sky, so that we can see little flowers.
Ella: NO,NO COOPER! I NOT NO MOUNTAIN!! (whack!)
(Cooper crying now)
Mama: Ella NO! Cooper, she doesn't want to be a mountain. Graycen that is correct, but that is a lot like what MaryEvelyn said isn't it? The sun gives us light and that light helps us to see. Can you think of something other than what she said?
Cooper: Can I go upstairs and play?
Graycen: Well...it...well...
Mama: Yes, Cooper you can play upstairs.
Ella: ME TOO!! ME TOO!
MaryEvelyn: Can I play upstairs too?!?!?!
Mama: Yes, Ella you may go upstairs, No MaryEvelyn you may not until after we finish these few things.
(Annagail crying now & Mama bouncing her to get her back to sleep)
Graycen: The sun makes everything grow in Spring!!!
Mama: Yes, it does! What about it make that happen?
MaryEvelyn: But I am done, why can't I go upstairs?
Graycen: IT...
MaryEvelyn: Mama, Mama, Mama, I am done now.
Mama: Please don't interrupt your sister MaryEvelyn.
Graycen: It gets hotter.
Mama: That is correct Graycen. The sun give us heat and like it says in Genesis, the sun and moon are there to help us mark the seasons.
-Graycen and MaryEvelyn high five.
- Ella comes running down the stairs holding Cooper's Thomas the Tank Engine with Cooper hot on her tracks.

And so it goes...

Life here is never boring! That is for sure! The good news is that learning IS happening in some form or fashion. Yesterday, we blind folded each other and experienced darkness. Today we set some grapes out in the sun to see how long it will take to turn them into raisins. I am not sure that Ella won't find a way to get those grapes, as she can't for the life of her understand WHY we would put perfectly good grapes on the grill out back. LOL!!

Have a good Tuesday! Happy Learning!

T.G.I.F.!!

I took this picture of Annagail today and it sums up my feelings precisely! I am B-E-A-T! The good news is that I am not emotionally exhausted, just physically worn out. This first week alone with the children since we brought Annagail home went relatively smoothly. Considering that all five (at some point) have had a nasty head cold and we had to make a family-wide trip to the pediatrician's office, we did pretty good this week. Nathan didn't come home to find me sitting in a corner drooling and mumbling to myself, so that is success, right?!?!?!

Honestly, I had been worried about what life was going to be like with five little ones (6 & under) at home. I feared that I wouldn't have enough of...me to handle it. However, coming off of 4 months of "limited activity" during my pregnancy and being unable to completely care for them, I am finding a great deal of JOY in the things that used to frustrate me. It has felt REALLY good to be able to get up out of the bed and lay out my children's clothes!! That has been such a joy to me. Making breakfast for them this week was refreshing.

This week has brought on some challenges in the way of discipline, but we are working through it. The kids have been used to a not-so-100% Mama for a while, so they are having to rediscover boundaries that they have forgotten. Also, adding an every two hour nursing schedule on to an already busy day hasn't been completely stress-free, but it has worked and worked well. We are on our way to "new normal".

Before I found out I was pregnant with Annagail, I think I had gotten into a rut. I was emotionally tired and just spent. Having gone through this pregnancy filled with physical pain and even sinful fear of what would happen before it was all over, I am having a much easier time finding the blessing in my ability to have & care for this family God has given me. There is nothing like being put flat on your back, to make you appreciate the upright view you once had.

You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. Oh Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever! Psalm 30:11-12

Are we raising Children or Employees?

I have noticed lately that, in an effort to provide discipline to my children, I sometimes treat them like employees as opposed to my own sweet children. That isn't an easy revelation to come by, but I think it is true.

In business, having an employee you are responsible for means that you must make sure that they get their job done, so that you can get YOUR job done. Also, you must remove personal feelings on some level or you could jeopardize your ability to complete your job. This isn't how I should be treating my kids. I don't think that I do this ALL the time, but I have caught myself doing it this week; my first week home alone since Annagail's birth. The children are indeed YOUNG children that are ALL still learning and need so much nurturing and training. Not only do they need my instruction and guidance, but above all else they need my unconditional love. Sure, they are independent & should have some level of self-discipline at this point, but certainly not to the level that I should be surprised by their childish behavior.

With a nursing schedule now added to the already busy day we had before Annagail's birth, it is easy to EXPECT the kids just to "do their part" to make my life easier. Doesn't that sound silly?!?!?!?! With the oldest of my crew of 5 being only barely 6, it is a lot to ask of them to think that they will just perform like robots. Luckily, I am not screaming and yelling at them, but I do think that I am coming down a little hard on them. Anyone that has come home with a newborn to older siblings knows that immediately the older siblings appear GROWN. When juxtaposed next to the helpless, COMPLETELY dependant newborn, the older children appear to be a step away from college almost instantly. They aren't though are they? They are still very small and helpless themselves. If , out of a desire for ease and convenience, I go through this life expecting my children to be more than God has made them to be right now in their little lives, not only will I have lots of days filled with frustration. I will also miss out on their childhood and all the things about this stage of their life that makes them so endearing and happy.

Honestly too, discipline is VERY important , but couldn't EVERYONE stand to find this cute face in their dryer every now and again ?

Thank you my Father for this gentle reminder that, much like me in your eyes, my sweet babies are still very soft & pliable and in need of gentle molding. Thank you for showing me, before this became a habit, that they still need my constant nurturing and my gentle training for a long while before they will be ready to have expectations put on them to perform. I am grateful that I have been shown this before it became a pitfall of my motherhood and a tearing of the heartstrings that I so desire to have tied with my babies. Now, Lord, help me to see this behavior in myself at the moment I do it, so that I can stop and correct it. Thank you Lord.

Ok, so a busy mama doesn't always have time for blogging :)

I had hoped to get on the computer in the morning, early, and after my quiet time. So far, that hasn't happened. No big deal. I will blog when I can. If I had all the time inthe world to blog, then I wouldn't really be a busy Mama would I?

Praying For Space

The Bible says that I should pray specifically for my needs. So, right now, I am praying for space. With seven humans living in a small townhouse on a seminary campus, we NEED space.

Now, I am not of the "name it and claim it" variety. I don't believe that if I pray hard enough and have enough "faith" for a bicycle that I will miraculously receive a ten speed. I do, however, beleive that God will answer my prayers. It just may not be in the way I think is best. That being said, I am praying for whatever space God feels I need. Although physical space would be great, I am not convinced that God won't instead deliver to me some mental space. Instead of more rooms for homeschooling or for a playroom for my five bouncing babes, He may see fit to give me the clarity of mind to be able to handle it all in the square footage we currently use. That is space that I could use as well. So far, I haven't been alone and in a "normal "daily routine with the kids. That will start soon enough. Truthfully, I am TERRIFIED!!

I am not putting any high expectations on my days right now. I know that the good Lord will, a s He has faithfully done in the past, deliver to me the precise answer to my prayers that I need. Just tonight, I had a wonderful meal delivered by a sweet lady who, among many other things, is a homeschooling Mama of five. Not only is her husband a minister at our church, but he is also in seminary. She and I have a lot in common. I told her that I wanted to get with her and pick her brain about how she does it all. I could use that encouragement and she was MORE than happy to say, "anytime!"

Thank you Lord for the support you have provided us from our loving friends & church family. Thank you for the provisions you have already made for us in the way of space. Help me to see & receive those provisions with grace and gratitude in whatever form they may come.