Thursday, August 13, 2009

feelin' low & transparent

I'm feeling low tonight. Tomorrow is school pictures for the kids. We just can't squeeze the cost out of our budget right now. As much as I know that it is not a big deal in the whole scheme of things, as much as I praise the Lord for the food that graces our table each and every morning, this little thing has me feeling so awful. Ugh.

pit.in.my.stomach. awful.

The kids don't care what brands they wear. They don't have a single "keepin' up" bone in their body yet. I am a photographer, for goodness sake! So why is it that I am so gut-wrenched about not being able to buy these few, not even wonderful quality, cookie cutter "style" pictures?

Part of it is that it is Cooper and MaryEvelyn's first year, but most of it is that I have this sense that we should be able to do this for them. I realize that it isn't food, shelter, or clothing. It isn't a basic need. It is clearly in the "want" category. My head can see that. My heart, however, aches to see them standing in carpool line in a few weeks with their little plasticky, windowed envelope picture packet- so proud to show me how sweet they looked on picture day.

Sometimes it is the littlest of things...

5 comments:

Perri said...

I know by the time I write this,you will probably be feeling better as you count your blessings. You are wonderful about that.

When you get a bit of extra money, just have some wallets made at WalMart and send them to school for passing out. The other kids will love getting your professional ones.

Abby said...

After reading this, it reminds me of maybe what my mom went through when we were young...do you know that I never knew how "dyer" we were and my guess is your kids will never know as well. They are learning that God is being faithful to the people He loves and that is so much more important than school pictures! I know you know this...but I can only imagine how you feel!!! Why don't you set up your own "studio" and right after school take them to their own shoot, using the normal school poses? I'm sure they would LOVE it!

Angela said...

Thank you friends. Your words mean a lot to me. I do think that my kiddos are oblivious to these things. Honestly, I think this little issue was juse the faucet for a whole lot of emotion I have been feeling lately regarding life lately. I am trusting Him for His plan. I am. It just isn't always second nature. I SOOOOOO wish it was!!!!!!!!

Nathan made a few phone calls late last night and my Mom and Nathan's Mom paid for the kids' pictures today. Grandmas rock that way. They were so very sweet to do that and, as much as I know the kids would have survived not having them, I CAN'T wait to see them!!! :o)

lizcooper said...

YAY! Grandmas (and granddads) DO rock that way :-) And sometimes it really is the little things that bother us. You know your children probably wouldn't have minded too much either way, but mamas want the very best for their children all the time and we want our children to not be left out (at least not left out of things that are good). Anyway, I'm so glad they got them and I'm praying for you during this emotional season.

Abby said...

Oh my goodness...you just gave me chill bumps and I have to tell you this story my grandmother tells me! When I was about 6 I wanted an ironing board just like my mom and I whined and begged for it. My mom sat me down and said "Abby, you need to pray about an ironing board and if God thinks you need it, He will give it to you, if not, you didn't need it!"
So I prayed for an ironing board and prayed that God would think I needed it (ha!) Well evidently my grandmother got it for me soon after but my grandmother said that what hit her most is that my mom and myself truly believed in God's even if it meant that I didn't need an ironing board! Isn't God good! :-) Hope we get to see those school pictures soon! :-)