Probably, right at this moment, I was sitting on the couch while Nathan was bathing our three little ones and getting them into jammies. I would spend a little while reading to the kids from a devotional book. We would pray with them and Nathan would tuck them into their beds. AS soon as they were asleep, Nathan would go to PF Changs and get me some spring rolls and cashew chicken (Mmmmmmmmm!). When I finally carried my over-bloated self upstairs, it was almost midnight. As I aid before, we had spent the last several nights playing the should we go or not-game. On THIS night though, I distinctly remember telling Nathan, "Ya know what Nathan? I am going to sleep tonight. I am not going to sit up all night worrying about these contractions. If the Lord wants me to go to the hospital, He will make it abundantly clear to me. With that bold statement, I laid down, closed my eyes, and zonked right out.
Around four hours later, I remember dreaming that I was sitting in the rain on metal bleachers (weird I know). I kept getting up and moving, but everywhere I sat on those bleachers, it was wet. Then I woke up for a brief moment and just before I fell back asleep, I realized that I was still sitting in that wet puddle. I reached underneath myself and (PANIC!!!!!!) my water had broken!!!!! It took me just a split second to gather my thoughts and I reached across Nathan's chest and patted him to wake him. When I got him coherent enough to hear my words, he jumped up and ran out of the room. Just like that. I started to giggle and then he came back in and turned the lights on. By then, I was standing and I saw his face turn the palest shade of white I had ever seen. Where I had been laying was a good bit of blood. This is when the Holy Spirit came and just settled me. Honestly, I am a panicky person when it comes to medical things, but I completely remember feeling so peaceful and joyful about going to the hospital, which was about 45 minutes away.
By the time my in-laws got there to say with the kiddos, Nathan had packed the car and was still running around with his shirt off. He was so panicked, that his Dad asked if I should drive :o) We got to the hospital. I got set up in a room quickly (they don't wait around on a 4th time around Mama with broken water!! Hahaha). I sat through the epidural. The next few moments change my life forever in so many ways.
Two minutes after my epidural, I coughed hard and (we later learned) had a complete abruption (placenta completely tore from the uterus). My baby and I were bleeding out rapidly and Nathan didn't know if either of us were going to make it out of the O.R. , the Dr. had quickly told him that "they would do what they could." For me, it was a blur of bright lights and fuzzy vision. I heard Nathan's voice and then I was out again. I heard a baby crying and something about a daughter and then I was out again. Finally, I remember waking up in a different, darker room and I was looking straight up at the ceiling. There were 45 blankets on me and I could hear Nathan crying and trying to speak trough his tears next me. When I turned my head, I saw him standing over an isolette. There was a swaddled baby in it, but he was reaching over the baby. He had my Bible and was pointing to something in it and showing it to a nurse, who was also crying. Later, he explained that he was showing her the verse that the Lord had given him during his time, waiting for word.
When I could finally muster enough noise out of my throat to get his attention, he was immediately at my face. We cried and cried some more. He told me our baby, our Ella, was here and miraculously healthy. I couldn't move to hold her, but I could barely see her. We cried some more and I insisted that he follow her up to the nursery. When they FINALLY (after 3 hours or so) wheeled me up to the room and brought her in, I was a wreck. I held her and just sobbed. It was just strange crying. Like I was just catching up to what had transpired over the last 10 hours and all the crying I would have done if I had been conscience was coming out.
Tomorrow Ella will be four years old. It is completely unbelievable to me that she is four. She is a spunky and spirited little girl, who can't help but rock and shake her fanny to a good beat. When she is describing something to you, her eyes tell the story as much as her mouth does. She uses words like terrific, beautiful, and amazing and when she uses them, they don't seem lessened by their overuse. You can SEE what they mean to her in her expression. Nathan has always said that she is our Philippians baby, because she is just JOY. She can be a typical toddler, with her sometimes sassy attitude and rolled eyes, but it is all part of her spirit. Passionate is not a word that I would use to describe a lot of children, but I would use it for Ella. She is so passionate about everything-when she dances, when she sings, even when she just plays, she is doing it with 100% commitment and JOY. It is so fun to watch. Her smile and laugh are contagious. Believe me, it is hard to discipline those sweet cheeks sometimes :o)
The Lord used that day four years ago to teach me a lot about my heart for my husband, about my love for my children, and about others that care for us. However, the most miraculous thing He did was create for us our Ella. I can't imagine who ANY of my children would be now without having had her as a sister. I can't imagine being a Mommy without my Ella.
Once all the dust had settled in the hospital and the Dr had a chance to come by and sit with us. We learned that I had, more than likely, begun my abruption at home in our bed. His words shook us to our core when we learned that I should have died before an ambulance could have reached our house. Instead our sweet Ella, moved herself (or was moved by a Divine hand) into a position that literally held everything together until we were at the hospital.
Tomorrow we will give thanks for ALL that we are blessed with and we will, undoubtedly, recall the amazing story of Ella's birth and we will again Praise HIS Holy Name for His work that day.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, my sweet Ella-Bella-Buttercream! I love you and I cherish every minute that God has given me to be your Mama. You are our blessing.