I was looking through some photos the other day that were from when a dear friend had her baby a month ago. There were all the classic delivery shots along with all of the always-touching first photos with baby. The funny thing is, for the first time since I had Annagail I found myself missing that time of life. "NO. Nope. No way!" is what I quickly thought. So I started thinking of WHAT it was that I was missing.
Seriously, I am done having babies. That is a peace that I thank God for daily. Don't get me wrong. I am not a big baby hater :). I just have been delivered safely through that time and I have not a single desire for another baby in this house. I am *loving* spending tim with my five babies and I am truly enjoying seeing Annagail grow and learning who she is. I don't enjoy being pregnant either. It is okay (I guess), but my last few pregnancies were doozies--filled with bedrest and sickness, so I am not a psycho. SO (to recap), if I am not desiring to be pregnant again and I am not in "baby fever", WHY was I getting so emotional about that time being a time of the past for us?!?!?!?!
It is the GRACE. It dawned on me yesterday that it is the GRACE that accompanies that time of life that I am missing. During the time of anticipation, delivery, and transition with a new baby, GRACE just oozes from everyone. Nobody expects perfection. Nobody expects marathon cleaning stints. There is just GRACE. The kids are given grace while they adjust to this world-rocking change. The husband is given grace while he adjusts to lack of sleep and a hormonal wife. Probably most importantly, the Mama gives herself TONS of grace in almost EVERY aspect of her life.
The question that is now nagging me for an answer is, why do I have to have a another baby to participate in my life with this type of grace. I have five children. It is tough, for them and me while we train them and they learn to be self-controlled. I have a husband who works full time and goes to school full-time. He IS tired and always having to adjust to his school schedules and assignment loads. Why am I not seizing this grace as my own and living in it?!?!?! Goodness. It is sad that this grace (in my life) is reserved for those limited times in my life. Yes, there are responsibililties to be handled and things that HAVE to get done. Yet, I do not give myself a break in most areas of my life. I want to live in that...."new baby grace" all the time, when it is okay to not be ready for company and to keep my hair in it's sleep-styled "do" on occasion. I don't want to be a slacker. I don't like clutter, but I just want it to be okay if I have a hard day and the kids go two days in a row with a carb-heavy dinner. It is okay, because life is sometimes hard. Days are sometimes longer than others and, just like those sleepless nights with a newborn, IT IS OKAY and WILL PASS.
So, do you live in grace? I am just wondering. I can beat up on myself (internally, of course) pretty hard sometimes about not "getting it all done". Am I the only one?