Saturday, July 12, 2008

Today was a BIG day for me.

I swam.

For the first time in over SEVEN YEARS, I sported a swimming suit and jumped in the pool! If you do the math with the above number of years, you'll see that (SADLY) this is the first time that I have EVER gone swimming with my children. I know that sounds so sad. It doesn't just SOUND sad. It IS sad. The kids have gone swimming before and I have sat on the side of the pool holding whatever baby was my excuse at the time. It felt SO GOOD to just get in with them and play.

What has changed?

Well, although I have lost some weight, it isn't that. I haven't lost enough to even be noticeable to anyone who sees me regularly. My ATTITUDE is what is different. In the past, I have bowed out of swimming because the idea of "everyone" looking at me in a bathing suit brought me to tears, literally, on many occasions. Now, I just feel differently about it.
Do you want to hear my big secret for getting into the pool when you are feeling less-than suit-able?


Seriously, because of my journey towards better health, I just don't care what anyone thinks. I realized early on in this that I was SO TIRED of living my life worrying about other peoples' opinions of me, of my family, of ANYTHING. I still want to be courteous, respectful, and thoughtful to and of the people in my life. I just am not going to live my life based on what I *think* people are thinking about me. Because I am working out and disciplining myself to take care of myself, I have more confidence I am finding that, overall, I care less and less everyday about the unsolicited opinions of others and caring MUCH more about how God views me. Because I am able to better accept HIS love for me, I am better able to accept Nathan's love for me. Follow? Nathan loves me like my Lord loves me, completely unconditional of my swimsuit size :o) Knowing that and being better able to accept it made today a GREAT day for our whole family.

Guess what happened when I walked out to the pool area today in my swimsuit?


Not a single person stood and pointed. Not a single person laughed out loud. They were all playing and having fun with THEIR own kids. I asked Nathan a few times if I looked ridiculous, but I got out there and spent some great time with my family in the water.

On the way home, I spent a moment lamenting over the many times that I opted out and should have just NOT CARED, but that was then and this is now. I will not let this joy be stolen from me even by my own regret. Instead, I am looking forward to our NEXT time at the pool, and the next, and the next and the next...


Heather said...

Good for you! Isn't it great when we get over ourselves? I'm not totally there yet, but I'm on my way and enjoy going swimming with the girls.

BoufMom9 said...

Good for you! I am so happy you have found that confidence!
As I read your post, it made me realize we are so alike, only I am not where you are now. :( I still avoid the pool and for all the reasons you said and I pray i can just get over it so that I am not missing out on my kids.
Well done!!!!

Cheryl said...

What a breakthrough moment!

I still struggle with this issue but go anyway. I try to tell myself anyone spending their precious free time criticizing and judging me in their minds should receive more pity than me and my big hips and thighs in my bathing suit!

Enjoy the water this summer!

Anonymous said...

Good for you! Way to go and glad you had fun with the family.