Tuesday, May 22, 2007


I want to go on the record here that WHISPERING IS RUDE!! In any social situation, unless there is someone speaking (or otherwise performing) or you have laryngitis, it is rude to look at someone, whisper to another, and then laugh together at your private little joke!!!!

Granted, I am little punchy these days with the move and all, but it never ceases to amaze me how easily grown adults can act like preschoolers. I am used to getting stares, comments, and even the people that I watch silently count and recount my children and then roll their eyes. I can handle that. Usually, those are immediate reactions and then I get a kinder, gentler comment after they MEET my personable crew. What I CANNOT and WILL NOT ever get used to are the people that feel the need to comment on my family to others and they don't have the gumption to either address their "concerns" with me or to wait until they get into the privacy of their own car. It AMAZES & INFURIATES me!!! Most of the time, the whisper isn't soft enough to be private and the looks that accompany them spell out what they are saying anyway, so why not take the bull by the horns and just SAY IT!!!

ARGH!! Can you tell I am frustrated?!?!?! I watched (and listened) tonight as a fellow Tball Mom (that I have spoken friendly too on many occasions) shared the details of my children (ages mainly) out loud with her visiting parents and then immediately leaned over and shared a whisper and a good laugh about SOMETHING regarding us. Then the visiting Grandma said something along the lines of well, "Better them than ME!". To which I said, "By the Grace of GOD!" Did she really think that I couldn't tell what was going on?!?!?!?! Did she think that, because I have five kids, I am deaf all of a sudden or without a thought process?!?!?!?! It just burns me up faster than almost anything else. I really think that people get so wrapped up in their own little worlds that they forget to be polite. I want to be gracious in these situations and I want to let it roll of my back, but I fail. People think that, because I had all of these children, I am someone to whom they have a right to comment on the state of my family. Sure, her comment could have been a compliment, but (See my "on the record" statement at the top of this post) why be so sneaky and shady about it. I am sure it was something that wouldn't have made me feel all warm inside.

As happened tonight, often times people see the number of my children and attach it to whatever normal, family issue we may be having. Nobody would have thought twice about a two year old throwing a fit at the ball field when they were disciplined. However, they see MY two year old throwing a fit and then they add in the fact that she has 4 siblings and then they whisper about it; as if the size of our family is the reason she is throwing herself into the dirt. Actually, she is 2 and 2 yr olds throw fits on occasion; plain and simple. I guess maybe if I had less children and more time, I could teach her more diligently to NOT react like a two year old, but honestly, I know only children that act that way well into their 40's , so there aren't any guarantees there either!

This is a VERY COMMON mistake people make and something that I wish EVERYONE would take into consideration. My children are children. They aren't robots. They aren't little clones of each other OR us (thank GOD!). They go through the same developmental stages that only-children do. They go through the same developmental struggles that only-children do. They shouldn't be expected to act differently because they have a lot of siblings ANYMORE than I should be expected to be Martha Stewart, because I have so many.

I guess the moral of this story is, be careful what you say about other people. Unless someone hands you a comment card or otherwise asks for your comment, it is probably better kept to yourself. I am certain that this other Mom was just involved in her time with her parents, trying to have an interesting conversation, and didn't intend to be so blatant about it. None the less, I was left feeling like the kids and I were in a glass case at a freak show for the rest of the night.

Now, I am going to get off of my soapbox and spend the next 30 minutes before bed peaking in on all of my sweet, sleeping blessings and thanking God for each one of them, tantrums and all : )


Heather said...


Reminds me of the post Brandon just made about labels on his blog. People have to label things they don't understand and rather than face that perhaps there is something wrong with their thinking they have to turn the tbales on you and say that surely something is wrong with you.

I'm sorry Angela. I have been determined that the next time I see a large family out in public I will go up and bless the dear mother and let her know how wonderful I think it is.


Angela said...

Thank you Heather. I was on a bit of a soap box yesterday, obviously. You are right though, it is a labels thing. They can't, for the life of them, understand WHY I would have 5 children in 6 1/2 years, so they conclude that I must be some sort of whacko extremists.

THEN, they see my bright, bubbly kiddos running around and giggling at Tball and I blow the image they had of "people like us", so they don't know what to think. Then the whispers start.

It would be so great for you to encourage a Mom of many that way :) even if she IS Martha Stewart : )